


Completely mostly almost slightly fine

by superangsty



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Multi, Post 12x10, will add more tags as the fic updates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2018-10-18 00:17:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 30,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10605327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superangsty/pseuds/superangsty
Summary: Dennis leaving was the best thing to happen to the bar.Dennis leaving was the best thing to happen to the gang.Dennis leaving was the best thing to happen to Mac.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first iasip fic, but I've been binge watching it annd have finally finished the whole thing, so naturally I had to write fic. Enjoy!

_Dennis leaving was the best thing to happen to the bar._

Mac rolled out of Den- out of _his_ bed and grabbed the first t-shirt he saw, pulling it over his head. Eventually, at some point during pulling up his jeans, his brain woke up with the rest of him and realised that the shirt was too tight. One of Dennis’. Great.

_Dennis leaving was the best thing to happen to the gang._

Grabbing his comb from the dresser, Mac started to slick back his hair, making himself whistle some dumb tune as he did it. He ducked into the bathroom and checked out his reflection, running a hand through his newly styled hair. It was perfect, as always. Satisfied, he grabbed a toothbrush and started the usual morning ritual of attempting to scrub out the taste of alcohol, half expecting Dennis to shuffle in and start doing the same.

_Dennis leaving was the best thing to happen to Mac._

Both Mac and Dennis had always complained about the size of their shared bathroom, but now that he was free to get his morning routine done alone, he could appreciate that it was actually a decent size, just not quite big enough to fit two grown men at a time. But Dennis was still everywhere. The asshole had up and left without having the decency to clear out his stuff. Everywhere Mac looked, there he was. Dennis’ towel. His stupid hair gel. His stupid fucking fancy makeup, kept neatly on the shelves. His toothbrush. His toothbrush, which was currently in Mac’s mouth. Fuck.

He dropped it like it was poison, and rushed out of the bathroom. But still, there was that staleness in his mouth from yesterday’s drinking. And shit, was that _sick_ he tasted?

He shoved on his shoes and grabbed his keys, quickly taking a swig from the closest bottle he could find in an attempt to wash out the taste. He took a moment to appreciate the familiar burn in his throat, before walking out the door.

 

*

 

“I don’ – I don’t even know what this shit says”

“Look kid, I’m telling you. The numbers don’t lie.”

“But I thought you said you fake the numbers?”

“No amount of faking could – “

“- Heyooooo!”

Frank and Charlie spun around in a flash, moving closer together to hide whatever book they had just been hunched over. Mac craned his neck slightly, trying to look over the two and see what was on the bar.

He raised an eyebrow. “What you guys got there?”

“Mac!” exclaimed Frank, as if he had only just seen him standing there. “What are you doing here?”

God, what did he do to deserve this. He deserved better than these two idiots. He _was_ better than these two idiots. “Um, I work here? Remember?”

“Right, right,” Charlie replied, stepping forward. “But we figured you wouldn’t be coming in today because of, you know…” He gestured at the empty space next to where Mac was standing. “Last night.”

Dennis. Of course they had to bring up Dennis. As if they somehow needed reminding that he had walked out on them. As if it wasn’t painfully obvious that Mac was walking around feeling like he had just lost a limb. Because apparently it took him moving to North fucking Dakota for Mac to realise that he couldn’t live without De – no. He was alive, after all. It had just been so long that he didn’t really know who he was when he wasn’t one half of MacandDennis. Whatever. Dennis wouldn’t last a week living there. He’d be back.

By the time he had snapped out of his thoughts, Frank and Charlie had snuck away.

 

*

 

_One week later._

Dennis still wasn’t back.

Mac was sitting in the bar, half-heartedly chatting with Dee about her latest ‘great idea’, something to do with triple threats and dance classes, when the door swung open dramatically. Completely ignoring Dee, Mac spun around in his spot, because the only reason anyone would do that would be – it _had_ to be –

“So, I knocked up the waitress.”

Charlie. Damn.

But also, what?

“What?” he asked, as Dee did the same.

“Well I was like, y’know,” Charlie started, his voice getting higher and faster every second “’hey you wanna make a baby?’ but then she was actually like ‘yeah okay’ and we had sex and now she peed on one of those little – those little stick things and it told her she was pregnant and then _she_ told _me_ she was pregnant and now I’m here telling _you_ and – “

Mac held up his hands. “Woah, dude. Slow down.” He waited for Charlie to gulp in some air, and then some beer, before continuing. “You banged the waitress? Nice one! I’m super proud of you, man.” He started for a hi-five, but Charlie flinched away.

“Yeah,” Charlie said, absently. “Yeah I – I did it…”

Before Dee or Mac could ask any further questions, Frank barged in out of his office.

“Guys!” He slammed a large, battered-looking book onto the bar. “We’re screwed.”

All three of them went quiet and stopped still for a moment, before focusing on Frank.

After a few too many moments of silence, however, Dee broke it by glaring and asking “Well?”

Frank’s eyes darted around the bar, skittish. “I’ve tried my best, these last few years. Fudging the numbers. Funding schemes. You know. But there’s only so much you can do, and…”

Rage was quietly building up inside of Mac, threatening to explode at any moment. “And _what_ , Frank?”

“There’s debt. A lot of it.”

Mac raised a fist, hovering it just above the bar. He kept his voice quieter than usual, but it shook slightly as he spoke. “You have money, Frank. Pay it off.”

“You don’t think I would?” Frank ran a hand through what little hair he had left. “But it’s not that simple! It’s the bad press, too. And the lawsuits. And the fact that apparently there’s not a single person in town who’ll talk to you people anymore. And…” He locked eyes with Charlie, the first hint of pity Mac had seen him give in the whole conversation.

“…And a health inspector came yesterday. I don’t know, I guess you were all too wrapped up in your shit to notice.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Mac saw Charlie slump.

“We failed. They’re threatening to shut us down.”

Dee took a deep, shuddering breath, and collapsed.

 

*

 

 _“Another_ heart attack? This is bullshit, it’s the third one I’ve had!”

“And we’re aware of that, Ms Reynolds,” the doctor said calmly. “You’re lucky to be alive.”

Mac had, at that point, pretty much stopped listening to the doctor. He was sat in a chair next to Dee’s bed, one hand propping up his head and the other gripping Dee’s tightly. In all the commotion of Dee being admitted to hospital, Frank _‘I’m her dad’_ and Charlie _‘he’s her half-brother’,_ got swept through into her room immediately with their almost truths, leaving Mac behind. ‘ _Family only, sir.’_ Any other time, he would have just grabbed Dennis and insisted they were partners, just hold on to him and breeze past the nurses. But Dennis wasn’t there. _‘Please, I’m… I’m her partner. You gotta let me through.’_

And so he was holding her hand, gently stroking the hair off her face. Mostly to keep up the pretence. Maybe partly because he had just lost Dennis, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to lose Sweet Dee too.

Dee, ever the performer, had actually managed to pick up on the act quickly after waking up. Not only that, but to everyone’s surprise she was playing along with ease.

“Babe?” she asked, and Mac turned towards her, putting on his best doting look.

“Yes, honey?”

She awkwardly, amidst the various tubes and wires attached to her, attempted to lean towards Mac. Failing this, she gestured for him to come closer to her, until she could hiss in his ear. “My health insurance.”

Fuuuu – Mac pulled away from Dee and slumped back into his chair, covering his face with his hands. There was no way they could afford the hospital fees, which meant that Dee would be asked to leave, and _ohgodohgodohgod_ she could have another heart attack and _die,_ this time, and it’d be Mac’s fault because who else could it be blamed on and _FUCK –_

“Mac!”

He slid his hands down his face, leaving his eyes uncovered, to look at Frank.

“You’re shaking, man. What – “

Between short breaths, Mac managed to say “ -  fees.”

“Oh. _Oh,_ Mac, no. It’s fine, we’re fine.” Frank was waving his hands about, like he was pushing away the problems. “I put the kids back on my insurance after, y’know. The last time.”

It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest. Really huge, because he was ripped. He could handle more weights than normal people. But glancing around, he could see that Dee and Charlie were feeling the same.

“Um…”

Everyone’s head snapped back round to the doctor, who was, for some reason, still there.

“As I was saying, Ms Reynolds, it’s very unusual for someone your age to have not just one heart attack, but three. Perhaps you ought to be looking at some…” his eyes darted around the room, landing briefly on each person in there. “… lifestyle changes.”

“What do you mean, lifestyle changes?” Dee’s words were mashing together, her voice mocking the doctor.

“Well, for example, how much would you say you drink?”

Dee scoffed. “I’m a bartender. Drinking is part of the job.”

“How much, Ms Reynolds?” The doctor’s teeth were gritting together, his eyes betraying the impatience he was clearly trying to hide.

“On a slow day? Maybe like… five beers?”

The doctor looked down at his chart, scribbling something. “And what is the longest period you’ve been without alcohol.” It was barely a question, at that point. He clearly knew the answer.

“Um”

“Oh! I know!” Charlie’s hand had shot into the air and he was bouncing in his seat, proud to be of use. “There was the time with the flu, and we were in quarantine but then we got sick so we drank my alcohol and –“ he stopped in his tracks when he noticed Mac’s glare. “I mean… I don’ know…”

There was silence for a moment, before the doctor sighed and put down his pen. “Ms Reynolds, you.” He looked around the room again. “You are an alcoholic. Your friends too, I expect. You need to get sober, or I’m not sure I can be much help.”

 

*

 

“ _FUCK!”_ Mac screamed, pushing over a bar stool and kicking it once it was on the ground. He pounded his fists on the counter. “ _Fuck,”_ he whispered again, for effect.

Frank and Charlie were stood at the entrance of the bar, quietly watching Mac.

“What are we gonna do?” Charlie asked, his voice calm and quiet. Probably trying not to freak out Mac.

“You think I – “ Mac tugged both hands through his hair, before waving one in the general direction of Frank and Charlie. “You think I fucking know? You guys can do whatever the fuck you want, I don’t care. But I, I am going to get blackout drunk, maybe bang some dudes. And then tomorrow?” He locked eyes with Frank, an unspoken dare for him to challenge his word. “Tomorrow we’re shutting down the bar. For good.”

He pushed past the two men and stormed out of the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gang close down the bar. Sort of.

“You’re doing _what_?” yelled Dee, smacking Mac on the arm.

“Yeah, um.” Mac looked around the small hospital room, anywhere but at Dee. “I’m gonna close the bar.”

Dee kept going, channelling all her pent-up energy into being angry. “You _asshole_! What about our jobs, huh? We’re all already broke, you think we need to be unemployed, too?”

Sighing, Mac just looked at her for a moment. God, he was so tired. It was probably the hangover. Either that, or the emptiness that he felt, unfurling quietly through his body. But it was probably the hangover.

“I don’t know, Dee, I’m just- “ He looked away from her, for once not willing to add to the argument. “I’m – I can’t do it anymore. I’m done. It’s over.”

And with that, he turned and left the room.

 

*

 

When Mac arrived at the bar later that afternoon, he was almost disappointed to see that it was completely empty. Just like always. It was weird, he had always been happy with having the whole bar to just the gang, maybe a couple of stragglers, sure, but they always stayed out the way. It was the one place he could do whatever he wanted, the place he felt more at home in than anywhere else.

Frank and Charlie hadn’t arrived yet. While Mac grabbed himself a beer he realised that he’d never actually been alone there before – at least one of the others had always been there to hang out with.

About ten minutes later, when the door opened and Frank and Charlie walked in, Mac jumped up to greet them.

“Where have you guys been? We were meant to meet here a half hour ago!”  No need to mention that he had been late too. Without the Range Rover, he was having to walk everywhere.

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Frank started, his tone condescending, “but we were at the bank. The debts are paid.” He huffed, and shook his head. “You’re really fucking lucky I’m a millionaire, kid.”

This was amazing, exactly what Mac needed to hear. It was almost too good to be – Mac stopped in his tracks and squinted at Frank suspiciously. “What’s the catch?”

“You will never, and I mean _never_ , ask me to bail you out of anything again. I don’t care if you ‘just need a dollar for your parking ticket’. Whatever it is, it’s not my problem anymore.”

Mac nodded along. “Yeah, okay. That’s fair.” Still, it felt like Frank was holding back.

“And,” ah, there it was. “The bar’s not closing.”

“What the hell, dude?” Mac’s eyes frantically darted between Frank and Charlie. Charlie, who was being suspiciously quiet.

“Charlie?” he asked, slowly walking towards him. “Did you know about this?”

The incoherent mumbling that Charlie replied with was all that he needed to hear.

“Great. Well that’s just fucking great, isn’t it? The two of you, plotting against me!” His brain was starting to go haywire, his thoughts getting more and more manic each second. “And Charlie, man, you would side with _him_ against me? It’s meant to be you and me against the world dude, from the beginning to the very end.”

Charlie was standing between Mac and Frank, anxiously looking back and forth.

“I know, man, it’s just like Frank is kinda my best friend, y’know? I mean, we live together and all that…”

Mac spluttered, furious. “What about me?”

Something about Charlie seemed to toughen up, he stood straighter and, face completely neutral, looked Mac right in the eye. When he spoke, it was cool, confident. For once, he actually sounded angry. “What about Dennis?”

It felt like a punch to the gut. “That’s – it’s not –“ the fire inside him felt like it was slowly dying out. “That’s not the same. It wasn’t the same.”

“Yeah.”

They stood where they were for a few moments that felt like a lifetime. Both silent, neither letting themselves break eye contact. A dare for one of them to cave first.

To his own surprise, it was Mac that ended it. He looked away, stared at the drinks on display behind the bar. “Yeah,” he agreed, practically falling onto the nearest bar stool. “Yeah.”

 

*

 

Hours stretched by in silence, with Mac slowly drinking bottle after bottle of beer and occasionally serving the odd customer that walked in. Frank and Charlie were off doing whatever it was that they did, but who the fuck cared. So long as they stayed out of Mac’s way, they were fine.

His mind was, for the most part, blank. What was there to think about, anyway? He had no plan of action, nobody to help him scheme to get his way. Frank was the majority shareholder. All that he could really do is roll over and let Frank do what he wanted. If Dennis were there, they could have overpowered him with their combined shares.

He could call Dennis.

There was no way he could call Dennis.

But what choice did he have?

 

*

 

It went straight to voicemail.

 

*

 

“Maybe… maybe we can work something out.”

Frank and Charlie were sat on either side of Mac, leaning in towards him. Mac was trying to ignore them both, staring down at the almost empty beer bottle in his hands.

“Yeah, I mean, you were kinda right. About stuff.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Mac saw Frank direct a shushing gesture at Charlie.

“Look. If we don’t shut it ourselves, we’re gonna be shut down by someone else. We’ve been talking and – maybe you were right, okay? Sure, we might be able to get a couple more months out of this place carrying on the way we are,” Frank paused, placed a hand on Mac’s shoulder. “But wouldn’t it be better to go out on our own terms? Preserve our dignity?”

Mac turned his head, just ever so slightly, to look at Frank. “Okay.” He took a deep breath. “So, how do we do this?”

“We’ll keep the property, maybe turn it into something else once everything else is under control. But first?”

Frank grinned. “We’re gonna need to pour alcohol all over the place.”

 

*

 

Later, they threw a lighter in, and watched as their whole lives went up in flames.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is superangsty capable of writing anything but angst? Probably not. Please comment/leave kudos if you liked it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A brief reprive from the overload of angst before we dive right back in next update. Enjoy!

Insurance money, as it turned out, took a really fucking long time to come through. First, there were the endless phone calls to the insurance company, explaining over and over again that yes, their bar completely burnt down and no, neither they nor the fire department could confirm how it had happened. (Charlie was very quickly banned from participating in these calls. Lying wasn’t exactly his strong suit). And then, when they thought they were finally through the worst of it, they got emailed a bunch of forms that needed filling out. Not exactly the most thrilling stuff.

After a week, they still hadn’t got their money. And honestly? Mac was getting pretty bored.

Without the bar to occupy his time, he was at something of a loss for what to do. Charlie was busy trying to make things work with the waitress, Frank was off doing whatever it was that he even _did_ , and Dee was on bedrest. Not that Mac would want to hang out with her, anyway.

Mostly, he was just sitting around the apartment, drinking beer and watching crappy TV. He also cleaned. Like, a _lot_. After two days, the entire place was practically sparkling, which meant that he was back to having nothing to do.

No- _one_ to do, either.

Which is how he ended up at The Rainbow, sitting up at the bar drinking an obnoxiously colourful cocktail. The music playing was uncomfortably loud, some annoying chart music, probably. The lights were pulsing in time with the music, practically blinding Mac if he dared look in the direction of one, and the whole place was so full of people (mostly all younger than him) that he had no idea how to move around. God, he loved it there.

Emptying his drink, Mac was about to signal for a refill when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Can I get this one?”

Mac turned around, biting back a smile. He was tough, he was cool. Smiling would look stupid. But damn, this guy was hot. He looked around Mac’s age, with cheekbones and jawline of a fucking sculpture. His eyes were gleaming, like he was still caught up in all the excitement happening around him.

“You want – you wanna buy me a drink? Seriously?” Mac stopped trying to control the grin that had started spreading across his face and leaned in slightly to where the guy was still touching his shoulder.

The guy grinned right back, before quickly asking the bartender for two more drinks and sitting down.

“So, what’s your name?”

“Uh…” Suddenly, every useful piece of information had left Mac’s brain. “Mac! My – my name is Mac.”

The guy chuckled slightly at Mac’s tripping over words. “Nice to meet you, Mac. I’m Dan.”

 

*

 

Mac fumbled with his key, trying to get it into the lock without having to turn around, because to turn around would mean to stop kissing Dan, which he was not about to do, even for a second. When the lock finally clicked, Mac backed into the apartment, not sure whether he was pulling Dan in or if he was getting pushed. Goddamn, though, he didn’t care.

As the two of them stumbled towards the bedroom, they started peeling off each other’s clothes, leaving a trail behind on the floor. They pushed through the bedroom door and Mac let himself fall back on the bed, Dan landing smoothly on top of him.

Attempting to talk between kisses, Mac started “Mmph, Den – “ He stopped himself quickly. “Dan. Keep going.”

In response, Dan kissed him harder, before pulling away. “You got stuff?”

He was far too far away. Grabbing the back of his neck, Mac pulled him back down so that their faces were touching again. “Bedside table. Top drawer.”

He watched Dan as he rolled over to open it.

 

*

 

When Mac woke up the next day, his head was groggy and the spot next to him in bed was disappointingly empty. He was about to just roll over and go back to sleep when he realised that the light outside his bedroom door was on. And, as he slowly came to his senses, he noticed the smell of coffee wafting in.

Unwillingly, he found himself smiling again as he shuffled out of bed and towards the kitchen.

Dan looked up and smiled back at Mac, straight away starting to pour a cup of coffee for him . “Morning, sleepyhead. Glad to see you’ve decided to grace me with your presence.”

“Ugh,” replied Mac, swigging down as much coffee as he could bear. “You’re not one of those morning people, are you?”

“’fraid so,” said Dan, raising an eyebrow. “And I assume you’re one of those ‘don’t wake me before noon’ people?”

“Pretty quick judgement.” Mac was going to continue, but was distracted by Dan leaning over and kissing him on the cheek, laughing quietly.

“It’s one pm. I think my point is valid.”

“In my defence,” Mac started, leaning back on the table, “I own – I used to own a bar. Late start, late finish. Kind of part of the job.”

“I _knew_ you weren’t a nine to five kind of person!”

Mac scoffed. “And what are you, some kind of detective?”

“Close. I’m an investment banker,” Dan replied.

“Daaaaaaammn.” That meant he was smart, right? Real smart. And probably one of those fancy guys with a wife and kids who was too busy to ever go home.

Dan watched Mac carefully for a moment, before shaking his head in amusement. “No, I don’t have a wife and kids waiting for me. Mostly kept to myself before I came out a couple years ago.”

Shit. Did he say that out loud? “Did I say that out loud?”

“Say what? The wife and kids thing?” Mac nodded silently. “Nah, you’re good. But the panic was written all over your face.”

Mac blinked and looked around, putting on his best shocked face. “Um, excuse me? I don’t panic. I mean, look at me. I’m awesome.”

Dan’s shoulders shook ever so slightly in silent laughter, as he walked closer to Mac, stepping between his legs. “Mmhmm, sure. So awesome.”

“ _And_ strong.” Mac added proudly.

“Of course, strong too.” Dan bent down to kiss Mac gently. “Wanna show me _how_ strong?”

Grinning, Mac kissed him back, wondering what the hell he did right to deserve this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm... not the greatest at writing sexy stuff, as demonstrated here. And sorry for the wait on this chapter! I've been super busy, but the next one should be up relatively quickly! As always, please leave comments/kudos if you liked it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, I'm so sorry for disappearing for two weeks with no updates! Honestly I have no idea what happened, but I'm gonna try make up for it by possibly posting another chapter later in the week! Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

_[Txt from: Unknown number] Mac! Did I see you at the rainbow the other night? Good for you, dude. I’m proud of ya - x Carmen_

_[Contact saved]_

_[Reply to: Carm] Oh my god how did I not see you? Would’ve been cool to have a friend with me_

_[Txt] I don’t think we’re friends, Mac_

_[Reply] I’d like to be_

*

 

_Knock knock knock._

Mac dragged himself up off the sofa and started shuffling towards the door, grumbling quietly to himself as he did so. As far as he was aware, he had no plans with anybody that day, and it wasn’t like people just dropped in on him. Not anymore.

The walk to the door was disappointingly short, which meant that he had no more excuses not to open the door, and so open the door he did. And then shut it immediately.

“C’mon dude, let us in!”

“Nobody’s seen you in two weeks. We gotta talk.”

“I brought wiiiiine.”

At that, Mac swung the door open again, squinting at her suspiciously. “We don’t drink wine. We drink beer. Like men.”

Dee took this opportunity to push past him into the apartment, Frank and Charlie following her. She shrugged, putting the bottle down on the table. “Eh, I figured since you’re, y’know, gay, that you’d like this crap now.”

Sighing, Mac shut the door again. “Fine, just pour me a glass.” He walked over to the others, opening up the fridge to check what was inside. “Any of you guys want beer instead?”

Frank and Charlie both immediately agreed, with Dee saying something too. God knows _what_ said, but it sounded whiny and why should Mac have to listen to that? He pulled out three beers and handed one to each of them.

“So,” he started, sitting down at the kitchen table, the others following his lead. “What are you doing here?”

Charlie looked at him as though the answer was obvious. “Because you have the biggest apartment?”

‘ _Oh, my god,’_ Mac thought quietly to himself, before saying out loud “Look, I really don’t have the energy to do our whole…” he waved his hand vaguely “ _thing_ right now, so just – just get to the point.”

“Well, we kinda have nothing to do,” Dee said, raising her eyebrows at Mac.

“Yeah” added Charlie. “And we figured you’d have some ideas since you’re kind of in charge.”

Mac blinked, sure he hadn’t heard Charlie right. “I’m _what?_ ” he asked, feeling his voice getting higher and higher. “Since when am I in charge? Frank – “

“ – is too old for this crap.” Frank cut in. “I like to think of myself as more of a silent partner.”

“I _wish_ you were a silent partner,” muttered Dee, obviously thinking she was being subtle when she rolled her eyes.

Silent for a moment, Mac tried to think of a plan. The rest of the gang was apparently not going to leave him alone until he did, so he had to come up with some kind of a grand scheme. And fast. Maybe if he could figure out a way to ship them off to different countries… but no. That probably wasn’t the best idea, especially so soon after Dennis. Fucking asshole.

“We’re, uh…” Mac raked his hands through his hair, willing himself to think. “We’re going to get jobs!”

You could’ve heard a pin drop, it fell so silent. The other three stared at him as if he’d lost his mind.

Dee was the first to speak. “ _Why_?” she asked, her voice dripping with disgust.

“Um, so that we can pay our bills?” It wasn’t the right answer. Mac knew it as soon as he started speaking.

“Yeah but like what do we get out of it?” Charlie spoke quickly, looking around at the others for validation of his point.

“ _Or_ who are we getting back at?” Frank added, leaning forward.

“Nothing – nobody.” The gang’s faces fell. “Well, nothing _yet_. We need to bide our time, y’know? Start saving up some money, and then the real fun begins.”

It was as if the tension in the air had lifted, and they nodded as if finally understanding.

“Right, well.” Frank patted his knee and stood up. “Now that that’s sorted, I’ll grab some more beers. Charlie? Mac?” They both nodded to say they wanted. “Dee?”

“No thanks?”

“Why, not finished your last one?” Mac laughed and grabbed her bottle, shaking it to see how much was left. “Man, you’re getting slow.”

Through gritted teeth, Dee replied “No, I’m not drinking.”

“Woah…” Mac and Charlie said in unison. Frank just backed away, clearly having no idea how to deal with her.

 

*

 

Their little gathering didn’t last much longer after that. Charlie and Frank both still looked so shocked that Mac let them go about a half hour later, not bothered to hassle them to stay. Dee was Dee, and so paid no mind to the glaringly obvious social cues, instead taking the others leaving as an opportunity to spread herself out completely on the couch. She was sipping at the one bottle of soda that Mac had managed to find for her, and the two of them sat in silence, stuffing themselves with chips.

After a while though, that got boring.

“So,” Mac started, surprising even himself with the quietness of his voice. “You’re really not drinking, huh?”

“Trying to.” She stared into her bottle, taking a deep breath. “I don’t wanna die, dude.” Mac raised his eyebrows at that and she quirked a smile. “It’d be unfair to the rest of the world.”

Thank god, something to lighten the mood. “Ha, sure.” He grinned. “I bet the rats in your apartment building will _really_ miss you.”

“Fuck _off_ , asshole,” she laughed, lobbing a cushion at him.

Because it was them, and because Mac was feeling light from drinking almost the whole bottle of wine, it quickly devolved into a play fight, the two of them laughing as they tried to pin each other down and smother with cushions.

He was hanging out with one of the gang, and it wasn’t awkward like he’d thought it would be. It was fun, he was having fun. So why did he still feel empty?

The momentary lapse gave Dee the tiniest of advantages, sending Mac toppling down onto the ground. She had a look that made Mac worry she was about to smash something in her victory celebrations, so when the door knocked he was thankful to have a reason to jump up and dash as far away as possible.

He opened the door too quickly, before he’d stopped moving, and so crashed into the person waiting on the other side.

He could almost _hear_ the smirk in the voice that said, “nice to see you, too.”

Mac jolted back, probably looking like a deer caught in the headlights as he straightened out his top. “D – Dan! What are you doing here?”

“I felt bad for cancelling yesterday, and I was in the area. Is that okay? I can go…” he nodded back towards the door.

“Dude, no, you don’t have to go, just come in!” He stopped, tried to get his head in order. “I mean, uh, do whatever you want. I’m cool.” He tensed the muscles in his arms, just to get his point across.

Dan just chuckled, shaking his head and quickly ducking down to kiss Mac on the cheek. “Here, I brought you these.”

He held out what looked like a… damn, what was the word? Bouquet?

“W- what the hell is that?”

“Uh, flowers?”

“ _Why?_ ” Mac frowned.

“…” Dan looked as though he couldn’t quite tell whether Mac was joking or not. “Because they’re nice?”

“In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m not a chick.” He said, pointing his hands towards himself.

Sighing in fond exasperation, Dan asked, “Do you want them or not? Because I can just –“

“No, no! I want them,” Mac carefully took the flowers from Dan’s hands. “Um. Thank you. I’ll just –“

 _Fuck_ , what were you meant to do with flowers? Mac looked around the apartment, trying desperately to remember.

Before he could think, Dee marched over, grabbing the bouquet from between the two of them and jamming it in a cup she’d filled with water.

“There.” She looked pointedly at Mac.

Right, right. Introductions. “Um, Dan, this is my friend Dee. Dee, Dan. My, um. The guy that I’m…” He looked at Dan. “…seeing?”

Dan held out his hand for Dee to shake and she looked at it with disgust. The silence in the room was killing Mac, the tension from Dee locking eyes with Dan making it almost unbearable.

Finally, she blinked, and it was as if nothing had happened. “You want a drink, Dan? We’ve got beer.”

 “ _And_ some wine!” Mac jumped in, shooting a quick glare at Dee.

Dan smiled. “Wine sounds great.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha i was going to make this the most angsty chapter yet, amd i had a bunch of Drama planned but i chickened out. Guess that'll be the next update! Guilty confession: when I was writing the end scene I kept accidentally writing 'Dennis' instead of 'Dan'. Oops? (damn me for deliberately choosing a name so similar...) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Please remember to leave kudos or, even better, comments!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whaaaat? ANOTHER chapter? In the same week? It's (slightly) longer than the others, too. Enjoy!

“Why are you here?”

Everything was beige. Beige walls, beige curtains. Beige couch, just about big enough for five people, big enough that Mac could stretch out on it. Shelves filled with books and files, puzzles on the coffee table. A pen, taunting him.

Weren’t doctors meant to be smart? “Um, I’m here because I want therapy?”

“Why did you come to me?”

“Because I don’t know any other therapists?” There was a pause, the woman silently judging him. “Ohh, I get it. You probably don’t remember me, I came here with my friends about five years ago?”

The lady looked at him with distaste. “I remember,” she said, shortly. “As does the building’s security. They have your picture.” She looked at Mac as if this was meant to mean something to him.

“Those guys? Yeah, I knocked them out.” He did a quick succession of karate moves, demonstrating his ability.

“No you didn’t.”

How the hell had she seen past that? People _always_ believed him when he talked about his sweet fighting skills. “No. I snuck in round the back.”

“There you go. Was that so hard to say?” He could see her scribbling something down on her pad, expression smug.

“Um, yeah?” She must’ve been doing this deliberately, it was starting to frustrate him. “So are you gonna fix me or what?”

She stared at him for a moment, taking a slow breath before replying “Fine. But none of your friends can join in.”

“Yes! Thank you so much,” exclaimed Mac, flopping back so he was lying across the couch.

“Okay,” the lady started, looking at Mac. “So why are you here?”

Mac shrank back into himself. Looking down, he mumbled, “I dunno.”

She wrote something else down. “And that’s fine. So, how have you been feeling lately?”

Looking up at the ceiling, Mac thought about this. Honestly, so much had been happening recently that he had no _idea_ what was going on in his head. “I’m forty years old and I only just managed to come out of the closet. Up until recently, I spent almost every waking hour sitting in my bar drinking and arguing with the same three friends I’ve had since high school.” He glared at her. “How do you _think_ I’m doing?”

 

*

 

Turned out, therapy was _hard_. Every time Mac thought he understood what the lady was getting at, she just looked at him as if he was crazy and made him listen to her explain it all over again. At least he had managed to neatly keep the topic away from Dennis. But still, by the time his session was over he felt exhausted. All he wanted to do was go home and curl up in bed, not think about things for a while. But, because the universe wanted him to suffer, home was packed full of things to think about too. Most of all he really didn’t want to go out for lunch. The therapist had made him feel small, and the last thing he needed was for someone else to do the same. But still, he had made a promise.

He walked up to the stupid obnoxious little hipster café, which in all his years of living in the area he had never even _seen_ , never mind gone into. Glancing at the clock on the wall outside (and who puts a clock _outside_ , anyway?) he saw that he was running late. Fantastic.

“Mac, hey!”

Looking over at the source of the call, Mac saw Carmen waving at him, sitting at a sunny little table outside the café. So now he had to sit outside, too? This place kept getting worse and worse. But he breathed in and walked over to Carmen. This was for her, not him.

“Hey,” Mac smiled, sitting down opposite her. “You’re looking good.”

“Thank you,” She smiled politely back. “You’re looking… the same.”

“See that’s where you’re wrong,” he explained, pointing at himself. “I’m way more ripped now.”

“Ah, of course,” replied Carmen, before the two of them fell into an uncomfortable silence.

After a few moments, Mac tried to break the silence. “Um,” he started, “How is your baby that Dee had? What is it, like five now?”

Carmen raised her eyebrows. “She’s seven.” Another silence. “So… you’re out now?”

What? His brain automatically told him that out = outside, which he thought had a pretty obvious answer. “Huh?”

“You’re gay.”

Ohhhh. “Oh! Yeah. Yeah, I’m gay now. Or, I guess I always was? I dunno, there’s all this stuff I’m meant to be like, an expert at now. It’s a bit confusing.”

Looking sympathetic, Carmen replied, “well, if it helps, I always suspected you were gay. Way back when we were dating, even.”

“What? How?” Mac spluttered, offended. Because there was no way she could have known, _nobody_ knew until he told them a couple of months ago.

If they did, they never said anything.

“You _insisted_ that I was a dude and yet you still slept with me. Multiple times.”

“But…” no, that couldn’t be – “but you’re not a dude! You’re a chick, I know that!”

“Maybe now you do.” She smiled softly. “But you were a different person twelve years ago. I haven’t forgotten.”

He lowered his head. “I’m sorry about… well, about that.”

She shook her head gently. “It’s in the past, man. So long as you know what you did wrong, we’re cool.”

“Thanks, Carm,” Mac replied, giving her a small smile.

“You seem different now. More… relaxed, I guess.”

Mac scoffed. “Um, I doubt it.”

“I’m right.”

He thought about it, tried to see whatever it was that she did. “Fine,” he eventually relented. “I guess you are.”

 

*

 

Lunch with Carmen was nice, it was fun.

“Hey, asshole!”

At least, it was until Dee showed up.

Mac looked up to see her walking towards the table. He eyed her warily. “Dee. What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Uh, excuse me,” she started, defensively. “This is a free country, I can go where I want. Honestly? I should be asking what _you’re_ doing here at this bullshit place.”

Clearing her throat, Carmen raised a hand in greeting. “Hi.”

It was like Dee had flipped a switch. At once, her demeanour changed, making her seem friendlier, somehow. She put on a wide grin, and, raising her pitch, said, “Oh my god Carmen, hiii. How are you?”

Carmen just laughed. “I’m good, Dee. Haven’t heard from you in a while, everything okay?”

“Pfft, everything is _fine_ ,” replied Dee, waving a hand. “Just been a bit hectic, y’know with Dennis walking out and us going bankrupt,” Carmen was looking between Mac and Dee, a kind of horrified wonder on her face. “And then there was my heart attack, and the guys burned the bar down.” She gave a short, fake laugh.

Dee finally took notice of the look on Carmen’s face, and went quiet. “Oh,” she said, “Mac hasn’t told you about all that?”

“Nope.” Carmen’s voice was unusually high, her eyebrows raised far up her forehead.

Both women looked at Mac, waiting for a response. “Um, sorry? It didn’t exactly come up in conversation!”

“Oh my God, he’s an idiot,” said Dee, to nobody in particular.

“Seconded.”

Squinting, Mac watched the two of them for a moment. For people who hadn’t spoken or even _seen_ each other in seven years, they were acting pretty friendly. “Wait…”

They both stopped talking again to look at him. “Are you two _friends_?”

Dee slapped him on the back of his head.

“Duh, I had her kid inside me. For _Nine. Months._ ”

Carmen, too, was looking at Mac as if he was missing something. “You can’t get through all the appointments and classes and shit without becoming friends at the end,” she shrugged.

“I hang out with her all the time, didn’t you _notice_?” Mac looked at her blankly. “Right, of course you didn’t. What was I thinking.”

She glared at Mac for a few seconds, before just rolling her eyes. “Look, guys, Charlie called me a few hours ago and he sounded kinda panicked.” She grinned. “Wanna come check out what’s going on?”

 

*

 

The second that the three of them stepped on to Charlie and Frank’s floor, they could hear the muffled screaming. To be fair, that wasn’t a particularly uncommon occurrence. If anything, it was normal, considering the hell of a building that it was. But as they headed closer to Charlie’s door, the voices shouting became more recognisable. The first, Charlie’s. The second?

“I never even wanted to _be_ in this shitty hole you call an apartment anyway!”

Charlie’s beloved waitress.

Mac and Dee exchanged a look before they opened the door. The moment they walked in, Mac darted for Charlie and Dee for the waitress, grabbing them and pulling them back from each other. A fraction of a second later Carmen caught on and went to help Dee, since the waitress’ idea of struggling seemed to involve kicking and biting.

The two continued shouting over each other, but now their words were aimed at the others.

“Get the hell off me, you scrawny bitch!”

“Don’t fuckin’ touch me, Mac, I can handle this myself!”

When nobody let go, Charlie and the waitress slowly stopped trying to struggle, just standing there panting, glaring at each other. Carmen moved away to stand in the middle of them.

She held her hands out, looking cautiously between the two. “If Mac and Dee let you go, you two won’t move?”

They both huffed an agreement.

“Good.” She nodded at Mac and Dee, and they let go, though still not moving far from their former places. “Now, what the hell is going on here?”

“ _He_ wants me to keep living in the women’s shelter while I’m carrying his kid!” Damn, the apartment was too small for someone to be shouting so loudly.

“I _said_ you can live here, but miss ‘high and mighty’ doesn’t think it’s good enough for her.”

“Oh, oh yeah.” The waitress nodded sarcastically. “Yeah, I’ll just come live in this _trash can_ you call an apartment and share a shitty bed with you and that – that _troll_!”

“Hey! Frank is my friend I know I’m sure that must be a very difficult – a difficult _thing_ for you to understand but do _not_ bring him into this!”

It’d be hard for him not to be involved in this, Mac thought, considering that he lived there too. Although… where _was he_?

Mac leaned forward and muttered in Charlie’s ear, “Hey, dude. Where’s Frank?”

Charlie turned and blinked at Mac, looking at him as if he’d only just noticed that he was there. He paused for a moment in thought, before quickly replying “Oh! Yeah, he got stuck in the sewer earlier.”

“Huh, fair enough.” Mac shrugged and went back to his previous position. He nodded at Carmen, because she was looking between him and Charlie with that expression people sometimes got around the gang. Weird.

The waitress was just looking at them with impatience, as if she couldn’t quite believe that this was her life. “Oh, my god.” She threw her hands in the air. “I just – I _cannot_ with you people right now. I’m done, I’m out.”

She stormed out the door, and Charlie, suddenly switching back to ‘in love with the waitress’ mode, left to chase after her.

Mac and Dee let out huge sighs, flopping down on to the couch in unison. Carmen just looked at the thing suspiciously, before carefully perching on the edge.

“Man, this whole thing is fucked up,” Dee said, leaning her head on the back of the couch. “Charlie doesn’t deserve this! He’s so –“ Unable to find the right words, Dee just made a vague hand gesture.

Something occurred to Mac. Damn, he was a genius. Fuck therapy, who needed it when he already had it all figured out? “Dee, uh. Are you… are you in love with Charlie?”

Dee looked at him as though he had said the most offensive thing in the universe, jumping back from him in a flash. “Dude, what the fuck?!” Even Carmen looked as though she was judging him. “Of course I’m not fucking in _love_ with him! Yeah, I love him, because he’s like my fucking _brother_. Only one I have now, too.”

Mac wondered where that left him.

“What the hell gave you this dumbass idea?” She smacked him over the head. “I’ve never thought about him – about _either of you_ – in that way. Ever!”

That didn’t sound right, everyone loved Mac. He was _Mac._

Another thought hit him, just as quickly as the last. “Dee, do you even –“ He saw Carmen glare at him, shake her head. She’d got it too. But why didn’t she want to – no. Mac trusted her, it would be fine.

“Never mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's decided… Carmen's the new Group Mom…
> 
>   
> Me: I want Dennis to come back  
>   
> Me: As the writer of this story you can make anything happen  
>   
> Me: But Dennis can't come back yet.  
> 
> 
> I've actually already written the scene(s) for Dennis' return. They are… angsty, to say the least. But alas, this plot is getting more and more complicated by the minute, and a bunch of stuff has to happen before Dennis can come home. Damn.
> 
> As always, please comment/leave kudos, I love hearing what y'all think! (shoutout to the three of you who always leave a comment,, you know who you are and I love you) Also, if you want another form of social media to find me on and talk there (TALK TO ME!!!), you can go to my [tumblr](http://superangsty.tumblr.com).


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys, I am so so SO sorry for the disappearing act - I have no idea why but I've been either too busy to write or just haven't had the motivation. This chapter is a bit short, but I wanted to get it out rather than continue it, so I'll try get the continuation up later this week

Mac’s phone rang.

He snapped out of his blank haze, ungluing his eyes from the TV to look for the source of the noise. He’d practically forgotten that his phone even _had_ a call option. Seriously, who used that anymore?

Finally, he found it, and picked it up to answer. “Hello?”

“Mac, hi.” Dee’s voice was instantly recognisable, but something was off. “I’m comin’ round, ‘s nothin’ to do in my fuckin’ shitty apartment.” He realised what was off. Dee’s words were slurring together, and _shit_. Shit, Mac didn’t know what to do.

“Just – no, no. Don’t go anywhere, Dee, okay? I’m gonna be there as fast as I can.” God, Mac hoped he could figure out what to do. His mind was buzzing, barely able to think as he grabbed his keys and headed out the door.

 

*

 

Once Mac got to Dee’s apartment building he all but ran to her door, using his spare key to unlock it rather than waste time knocking. He strode through, heading straight to the couch that Dee was slumped across.

“Dee?” No response. “Dee, c’mon, talk to me.”

She was breathing, at least. Probably wasn’t even unconscious either, just too wasted to have any normal reactions. As if confirming this, she made an incoherent whining sound. Mac would’ve tried to ask how much she’d drunk, but it wouldn’t exactly take a genius to figure it out. The floor of her small apartment was strewn with cans and bottles; it looked like she had all but raided a liquor store to get her hands on it.

Which was shitty, because Dee wasn’t meant to have alcohol at her place. Hell, Mac had actually helped her clear it out. And it wasn’t like she had a job or money to buy this stuff. Mac didn’t want to think about what options that left her with, because none of them were good, and none of them would help.

He slapped her, trying to wake her up. Nothing.

But she didn’t look like she was about to die or anything, so Mac figured if he just put a bucket by her head he could let her sleep. Which would let _him_ get to work.

He rummaged through Dee’s kitchen in search of a trash bag. In Mac’s opinion, the cupboards were way too cluttered, but hey. To each their own. He went through the entire apartment, checking every little nook and cranny or hiding place that he could think of, making sure there was no more alcohol to be found. Even the mouthwash got thrown out.

Mac took out the trash, and then returned to the next problem at hand: the mess. What Dee did in the apartment all day every day he had no idea, but it sure as hell wasn’t cleaning. Once again, he systematically went through the apartment, tidying up, cleaning stuff. He even changed the bedsheets and gathered enough clothes for a load of laundry.

Finally, he hoovered. The most surprising part was not that Dee’s floor was apparently a completely different shade than he thought it was, but that throughout all of this she remained peacefully asleep.

He tucked a blanket over Dee, and then sat down in the armchair. There was nothing more for him to do.

_Fuck._

Mac was good at fixing things. It was sort of what he did. And yeah, he could easily sort out the problem of ‘Dee’s apartment is a mess’, and even ‘Dee’s drunk herself unconscious’, because it wasn’t anything he hadn’t done before. But ‘one of my closest friends is a recovering alcoholic and I don’t know how to help her’ was not something Mac could so easily fix.

Christ, he really needed a beer. Too bad he’d just thrown them all out.

He poured a glass of water and found some aspirin, putting them beside Dee for when she woke up.

Then he left to find a liquor store open that late at night.

 

*

 

The next morning – well, afternoon – Mac’s phone rang again.

The first thing he heard when he picked up was Dee’s voice saying, “Thank you.”

Something inside Mac felt all warm and glowy, but he fought his smile as he replied, “For what?”

“For yesterday, y’know when you…”

“I do _not_ remember seeing you yesterday.” Mac tried, and failed, to stop a chuckle.

“Oh, shut up asshole. I know it was you, nobody else – “ She stopped suddenly. “Just – thank you, okay? I know you have no reason to help me, so – “

Mac spluttered, “What do you mean ‘no reason to help you’?” because seriously? Didn’t matter how annoying she could be (and she could be _very_ annoying), they had been friends for over twenty years and that _meant_ something to him.

Dee paused for a moment. “You know I’m not Dennis, right?” Dennis never cared about his friendships like this. “Like, I get that we shared a womb but that’s where the similarities end.”

“I, uh, I know?” Mac didn’t know if he was tired or hungover or both, but either he wasn’t making himself clear or Dee was being obtuse, and he did not have the energy to deal with it. “Dude, you’re my friend. It’s _literally_ that simple. You’re one of my best friends, I love you, and I wanna help you get better. Okay?”

Dee, for once in her life, was shocked into silence. “O-okay…”

“We never speak of that again.”

“Agreed.” There was another pause. “I think you may be the only one who gets how much I miss him.”

Dennis talk. Great. Just what Mac needed. “The other two –“

“ – were not the same.” He heard her sigh over the line. “I hate the guy, but _fuck_ dude, in forty years I’ve never gone this long without seeing my brother and it’s freaking me out.”

“And why would I get that more than Frank and Charlie? They were used to seeing him every day, too.”

“It’s not the _same_ ,” she insisted again. “Hell, you’re probably worse off than me, you’re the one that lived with him.”

He didn’t reply. Mac didn’t want to talk about this, he didn’t want to think about it. He’d been doing a damn good job keeping it out of his mind, the ache in his chest only returning a couple of times a day. “It’s been two months. Plenty of time to get used to it,” he finally mumbled.

“Sure,” Dee replied. “But not enough to get over him.”

Every muscle in Mac’s body tensed, and he kept his voice quiet to keep it from shuddering. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You can’t just _deny­_ –“

Mac hung up on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading, and as always, please leave comments/kudos!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BAD AT KEEPING TO SCHEDULES AND I'M SORRY. (the ending is a tiny bit rushed, but I felt bad and I wanted to get this chapter out asap)

“So I’ve been thinking I might quit drinking.”

“Oh really?” The therapist glanced down at her notes, writing something. She always seemed to be writing something. “How’s that going for you?”

“Well _obviously_ I’ve not started yet,” Mac replied, giving a quick huff of laughter before snapping back to serious mode. “I’ve just. Been thinking about it.”

“Why now?”

“My friend – Dee, you know her – quit a few months ago now, and it’s like –“ Mac paused, looked into empty space trying to find the right thing to say. “She slipped up last week. But I wanna help her get better and I figure how can I do that if I don’t know what she’s going through?”

Again, the lady wrote something down. “That’s very good of you, Mac. But everyone’s experiences are different and I need you to think about whether this is something you _want_ to do, or if you just feel like you _have_ to.”

“I _think_ I want to?” He scrunched up his face in thought. “I mean, it’s not like I have much reason to drink anymore, with the bar gone… and the doctor said we were all alcoholics and alcoholics are meant to get better, right?”

She nodded, allowing Mac to continue.

Wait. “Do _you_ think I’m an alcoholic?”

The therapist sighed, yet again writing something down. “Undoubtedly, yes. Do you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Look, I’ll refer you to an AA chapter, go or don’t, it’s up to you.”

Mac looked down at his hands. “Thank you.”

She leaned forward, waiting for Mac to look up and looking him in the eye. “This is progress, Mac. I know it might not seem like it yet, but this is progress.”

There was a long silence. Mac just kept staring down at his hands, fiddling with one of her puzzle blocks, listening to the clock tick.

“Right,” she said, and the break in silence almost made Mac jump. “Next thing.” She paused again, softening her voice. “You want to talk about Dennis yet?”

“No.”

“Okay, what about the guy? Dan?”

Mac smiled slightly, relaxing. This, at least, was easy to talk about. “He’s pretty nice.”

 

*

 

_“You’ve reached the voicemail of Dennis Reynolds. I don’t check these things, so just hang up.”_

It was a few weeks later and Mac had finally worked up the nerve to go to an AA meeting. Well, he walked in there with Dee. And then Dee went to find them seats, and Mac turned and left without warning.

But hey, at least he went onto the premises. It was a start.

But next thing he knew he was pacing his apartment, bottles strewn around him whilst he was trying not to hyperventilate and choking back tears as his call went to voicemail.

“Dennis, Den, hey, where are you? It’s been – it’s been nearly three months now Jesus _Christ_ dude I need you.” The few coherent thoughts he had left were mashing together, as he started talking faster and faster. “I need to know you’re not dead or dying and I need you to tell me I’m being an idiot and that it’s not worth it – or I don’t know maybe you – maybe you wouldn’t do that, I just don’t _know_ anymore and – “ He took a deep, shuddering breath. “I just need you man. Please call me.”

He hung up, and through the haziness of his brain decided on the next number to call.

After one ring, he got an answer. “Mac?”

“Hey, Dan.”

“You okay? It’s like midnight.” And shit, it was the middle of the night and Dan sounded half asleep. _Shit_ , as if Mac needed more reasons to think himself a terrible person.

“No, no. It’s fine, I’m fine. You can jus’ go back to sleep.”

“Nah, I’ll. I’ll come over. I was just watching crappy Netflix movies. See you in a few.”

Mac didn’t know how to react. He hadn’t expected it to be so _easy_. “Yeah, um. Yeah. See you.”

 

*

 

When Dan arrived, he just stood in the doorway quietly observing Mac for a few moments, taking in the mess around him. Eventually he sighed, and walked in. No kiss hello.

“So,” he gave a forced huff of laughter. “I take it the AA meeting went well?”

Mac just grunted in response, slumping down into a chair at the kitchen table whilst Dan seemed to be making himself busy.

He handed Mac a pint glass filled with water. “Here, drink this.”

Glaring, Mac did as he was told, gulping it down quickly to get it over with.

“Now bed.”

“Nooooo.”

“ _Bed._ ”

 

*

 

Mac woke up with a hangover and the piercing sound of an alarm clock. Blearily, he looked around the room, noting Dan sitting up in bed reading something on his phone, and the fresh smell of Dennis’ shower gel mixed with his own stench of stale beer. He barely even noticed when the alarm was turned off.

“Morning.”

In reply, Mac just shuffled closer to Dan, burying his face in his chest. Dan just laughed and ruffled his hair in response.

“Mmph, you smell good.”

“And _you_ smell terrible. Hope you don’t mind I used your shower.” Mac shook his head. “Okay, well I think it’s your turn to go use it. I’ll make some breakfast while you do.”

Too tired to argue, Mac rolled out of bed and shuffled off to the bathroom. When he saw the bottle of shower gel, cap still open, he grabbed it and threw it in the bin. Screw that shit, he had his own stuff.

His shower didn’t take long, and when he came out he could smell bacon and eggs cooking, and the coffee pot was just about done brewing. He grabbed a cup and sat down, quietly sipping at it whilst Dan worked around the kitchen.

Dan didn’t turn to look at him. “So you were pretty messed up last night.”

Mac winced. “Sorry about that.”

“No, it’s fine, it’s fine.” He paused. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“I just thought surely it can’t _just_ have been about the meeting-“

“I said _no._ ”

The two fell into an awkward silence, Dan serving up breakfast whilst Mac stared into his coffee.

When Dan sat down to eat, Mac spoke again. “Why did you help me?”

Dan observed him for a moment, before answering quietly, “because I don’t think you have anyone else to.”

Hurt and rage welled up inside Mac, and he pushed his chair back, standing up and turning his back, pacing the room. “So you pity me, that’s it?” He threw his hands in the air. “Great, that’s just great.” Finally, he turned back to face Dan, clenching his hands on the table. “Well, _Dan_ , I don’t need your fucking pity.”

Dan just looked at him. And kept on looking.

“Are you done now?”

“What.”

“You’re very quick to jump to conclusions.”

“I – “

“I don’t pity you, I just have feelings for you. Asshole. So sit back down and finish your breakfast.”

“Um.” Mac didn’t know what to say, but it was getting harder to keep his angry face on, and he could feel a blush creeping up his neck, so he sat. “I – me too, about the whole-“

Dan smiled. “Thank you.”

 

*

 

“Remind me why we’re here and not back at your nice, safe apartment?”

Mac, leading the way through the narrow corridors of Frank and Charlie’s apartment building, turned around to look at Dan, raising his eyebrows.

“Oh my apartment’s not safe.” Mac rolled his eyes at Dan’s look of shock. “Nah, everyone knows where I live. Even my _dad_ ,” he explained, but when he realised Dan was about to ask a question about that he waved a hand to dismiss it.

He turned back round and continued walking, talking as he did so. “This is where a couple of my friends live. It’s not the _best_ place but there haven’t been any major incidents in like…” he scrunched his face up in thought. “A year?”

“Great. I feel sooo much better now.”

Mac ignored him. “You’ll like Frank. He’s rich too.”

“I’m not…” Dan cut in, but just shook his head and allowed Mac to continue.

“Charlie is… Charlie. You’ll see.”

At that point he pushed through their front door, shouting “Heyoo” to announce his arrival.

The people stood before him stopped in the middle of what they were doing. Frank, who for some reason had been leaning out the window, turned around and grinned, but didn’t lift a hand to wave. The waitress was sat on the sofa, and she just gave her usual glare, while Charlie shot him a pained smile from where he was sitting rubbing her foot.

“So, let me guess,” Dan started, looking around the room. He pointed at Charlie. “You must be Frank? It’s nice to meet you.” He offered a hand to shake. Charlie just stared at it as if he wasn’t quite sure what to do with it.

“ _I’m_ Frank, fuckwad,” said Frank, walking over to shake Dan’s hand. He looked at Mac whilst he was doing so, gesturing at Dan. “Who the fuck is this?”

Mac, hands clasped behind his back, looked at the floor, rocking back and forth on his heels. “Um, guys, this is Dan. My, uh.” He looked over to meet Dan’s eyes. “Boyfriend, maybe?”

“Boyfriend.” Dan agreed, putting on a charming smile. “Nice to meet you all. But uh,” he looked over at the waitress. “I didn’t catch your name?”

She just glared at him, before smiling and informing him that “Mac’s real name is Ronald McDonald, y’know.”

Mac could’ve killed her.

He could see that Dan was trying not to laugh, which was just great, really. But, lucky for him, Charlie decided to speak up. “She’s pregnant! With a baby, a human baby.”

Dan raised his eyebrows. “Oh? How far along are you?”

“Three months.”

“Great.”

The conversation kind of just stopped, after that.

After a few awkward moments of silence, Mac said “right, well. I guess we’re off.” As he turned to leave, he remembered what he had actually come for. “Oh, Charlie! Dee told me to tell you that you start work tomorrow and ‘if you miss it, she will kill you’.”

“Yeah, yeah. Bye.”

Dan gave a little wave, and with that the two of them left.

 

*

 

They were barely out the door when Dan spoke again.

“I don’t think that woman is really pregnant.”

Mac stopped in his tracks. “ _What_? Dude, that’s – of _course_ she is, are you high or something?”

“Three months along, she should be showing. Not a bump in sight.”

Christ. “I’m not – I know I’m not smart like you but are you _sure_? Because I don’t think the waitress would hang out with us if she didn’t have a reason…”

“I’m pretty sure.”

“Well then,” Mac felt like his entire mind had gone to war, he couldn’t get a thought straight. “I guess I’ll have to speak to her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the drill. Please leave comments/kudos!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY. I'm so bad at updating this thing that it's getting slightly ridiculous. Lots of drama in this chapter, though! Enjoy!

_“Are you ready to talk about Dennis?”_

_“No.”_

 

*

 

Mac would never admit it, but he was a little bit scared of the waitress. Something about her seemed off – her cold, unbreaking glare, her ruthlessly cruel words. Her years of drug and alcohol addiction (which she was apparently clean of, but going by how many times the gang had seen her fall off the wagon he was completely sure it wouldn’t be long).

And sure, Charlie was a weird dude. And yes, he’d been “”in love”” with her from the moment she had walked in to homeroom when they were 14, and maybe that had resulted in him growing up and doing creepy – and often borderline _criminal_ – things to her.

But he wasn’t a bad guy. He just didn’t understand how the world worked.

He certainly didn’t deserve the constant words of abuse that she threw at him. Mac would say something, if he wasn’t so scared of her. Of what she would do to him. Of what Charlie would think of him.

So he decided to let it slide. This thing, whatever she was planning, would eventually play out. And when it did, Mac would for sure be throwing the first punch.

None of that meant he was prepared to see her with Charlie, standing outside the burnt remains of the bar at some ridiculously early hour. _Especially_ not when he was meant to be meeting a contractor. Fuck, it was bad enough he had to deal with Frank during all of this, but now _her_ too? What the hell had he done to deserve this?

“Mac?” Charlie sounded confused, which, to be fair, he normally did. But this was Mac’s meeting. If anyone was going to be confused, it should be him.

But he just sighed, and put on a smile. “Hey, Charlie.” He nodded at the waitress in acknowledgement of her presence. “Whatcha doing here?”

Charlie shook his head. “I dunno, man. Frank said he was coming, so…” He shrugged.

“Okay,” okay. This didn’t seem too bad. “And where is Frank?”

“I think he went inside? There was some fancy guy, y’know. His jeans were from a shop and everything.”

At that, a call came from inside the building. “Mac! Where the fuck have you been?”

Shit. As Mac left Charlie and the waitress and rushed inside, calling back “I’m literally just _five_ minutes late!”

 

*

 

_“Do you want to talk about Dennis?”_

_“No.”_

*

 

“Hi, I’m Craig, and I’m an alcoholic.”

“Hi, Craig.”

The shabby hall that they held AA meetings in was surprisingly warm, so Mac felt comfortable enough to let his thoughts drift away whilst the other people talked about their problems, or whatever. In the two actual meetings he’d attended so far, he probably couldn’t remember a single story.

He liked when the group leader talked, though. Lots of stuff about God. Mac was better than EVERYONE at God stuff. He was totally gonna win this thing.

If he could just, y’know. Stop drinking first.

He had almost started to doze off, dreaming about the donuts waiting for everyone at the end of the session, when he heard another chair scrape back, and someone stand up. He blinked, looked up at the person.

“Hi, I’m Dee, and I’m an alcoholic.”

“Hi, Dee,” Mac chanted back with the rest of the group, all the while thinking _what the fuck?_ Why would she want to share anything? She was _Dee_.

“So, um.” She looked down, shuffled her feet around. “The other day, I was making a list of people I need to ‘make amends’ to, or whatever.” She was still looking down, now starting to fidget with her hands.

“Thing is, I seem to have made a habit of ruining people’s lives,” she said, forcing a laugh. “I couldn’t bear it, I didn’t want to think. I just – I never really thought about it, all the shit that we –“ she looked straight at Mac, before looking down again. “That _I_ did. It was just fun. So what if people ended up losing their jobs, or their homes, or their families? They were collateral, I barely gave them a second thought.”

Dee looked up, blinking and looking at the ceiling. “Just – god, y’know? I was so awful. And then I realised, maybe I still am?

“I probably still am. Fuck, I couldn’t even make it through that night without a drink. Only one, though.”

Mac was expecting people to look disgusted at that, or at least disappointed that she slipped up. Most of them just looked understanding, though. Huh.

“But hey, it’s been three days and I’ve not had anything since. That counts for something, right?”

A couple of people nod, and the group leader smiles. “Thank you for that, Dee.”

 

*

 

_“And Dennis…?”_

_“No.”_

 

*

 

Mac had never been to a gay café before. He hadn’t even known they’d _existed_ , until Dan had suggested they go there. To be honest, it seemed to him like any other café. The only thing different was the people, although Mac couldn’t quite put his finger on why. That, and the various flags strewn up around the place.

The only one he really recognised was the rainbow one, which he was pretty sure was the gay one. Or the… something one? He couldn’t remember, it was just a bunch of letters mixed together. He found himself staring at one which was a combination of pink, white, and blue, hoping that the colours would start to mean something, and panicking that they wouldn’t and everyone would think he was an idiot.

“That’s the trans one.” Carmen’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and he looked up at her.

“Huh?”

“The flag. Pink, blue and white? Trans.” He couldn’t think of what to say, so he just stared at her. She sighed in response. “It’s an LGBT café, hun,” and again with those damn letters. “What did you _think_ the T stood for?”

“Um…” Mac figured that whatever response he could think of would just make him look more stupid, and his brain was going into overdrive.

Seeing the look of panic on his face, Carmen pulled him into a one-armed hug. “It’s okay, Mac. You’re still new at all this.” She kissed the top of his head. “You’ll get the hang of it eventually.”

Mac blushed, and stuttered out a thanks, before asking “Why are you here, anyway?”

“Oh, right.” She sat down. “Dan asked me here.”

“Um.” Fuck, this place just would _not_ stop confusing him. “Why?”

“Why did Dan ask me _here_?” she asked, “Or why did _Dan_ ask me here?”

“Both, I guess?”

“Well, let’s see…” she looked around the courtyard, thinking for a moment. “I think he mentioned something about Dee needing our help? I’m not 100% sure on the details…”

“But – “

“ – We know each other from work.”

“You have a _job_?” Straight away Carmen looked at him as if he was asking the stupidest question in the world, which, okay. Maybe he was. But still. In his mind, she didn’t really exist outside of just being Carmen.

They kept up the small talk for a few more minutes until Dan walked in, a scowling Dee in his wake. He sat at the table, and gestured for Dee to do the same. She stayed standing, glaring down at them.

“ _Why_ am I here, exactly? You know I have stuff to do, right?”

Mac couldn’t help himself. He scoffed. “What do _you_ have to do?”

Puffing out her chest in pride, Dee said “I have a date, if you must know.”

At this, Dan looked down at the table, scratching at his head. “Ah, see. That’s what we wanted to talk to you about.”

Mac and Carmen glanced at each other, frowning. Good, so Carmen was just as in the know as he was.

“Where are we, Dee?” Dan asked calmly.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, looking around. “Some gay café?”

“Right.”

Oh. Oh no. Goddamn, Mac got it. He was going to _kill_ Dan, he had told him what he was thinking about Dee in _confidence_.

Carmen’s expression had changed too, although she had on a knowing smile nothing like Mac’s look of rage. He crossed his arms.

“Ah, Dee,” she started, speaking gently. “Your date. Do you like him?”

“He’s tall, good-looking, rich, and he does what I tell him to.” She shrugs. “What’s not to like?”

“Okay, but do you _like_ him?”

“He – “

“ – could you see yourself marrying him?” Dan cut in, before pausing. “Or any of the guys you’ve dated, for that matter?”

Dee looked disgusted. “ _No,_ ” she replied. “I’m not into that crap.”

“And the sex?”

“Why the _fuck_ would you ask me about my sex life, dude. I barely even know you!” She looked between the three of them. “Why are you people asking me about this crap?”

This time, Carmen spoke. Softly, quietly, she answered “look around you, Dee.”

Understanding dawned on Dee’s face. And then anger. “No. Fuck you. _No._ ”

And with that, she stormed off.

 

*

 

“You had no right to spring this on her. Not without talking to me first.”

“I just – you sounded so worried about her, I thought it would help –“

“No. Right.”

 

*

 

_“Are you –“_

_“Yeah, fine. Whatever. I’ll talk.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, if you still are! You know the drill; please leave comments and kudos, and subscribe so you don't miss out on any of the ~drama~. Next chapter: the dennis talk...


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two updates?? within 24 hours of eachother??? Is this real, am I real??????  
> (wow superangsty, maybe if you wrote longer chapters this wouldn't be happening...)

50 minutes left. Mac could stay silent for that long, right? No noise in the room but the ticking of the clock. It was almost peaceful, to be honest. Maybe Mac could just – but no. The therapist was looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to talk.

He took in a deep breath. “Dennis…” What was he even going to _say_? There was too much, but at the same time there was nothing. “Dennis was my best friend.”

For the first time since he’d known her, the therapist didn’t write anything down. She just looked at Mac, waiting. “That much, I had gathered. But you say _was_. Past tense. Is he not anymore?”

Mac looked at the table between them. “I don’t know what he is anymore.” His fingers, of their own free will, started tapping. “Don’t even know if he’s alive.”

“And why –“

“ – because he left,” Mac cut in. “He _left_ , and it’s been four months and I’ve not heard a single thing from him.”

The therapist’s voice softened. “Do you know why he left?”

Mac just nodded.

“Okay. Okay, we’ll work up to that.” She flicked back through some pages of her notes. “He’s Deandra’s brother, yes?” Another nod. “So you’ve known him since high school.”

“Why are you telling me this? It’s my life, do you not think I know what _happened_ in it?” It was too much, all of this. It felt like the walls were starting to close in on him.

“Over twenty years.”

“Yes.”

“And you lived with him…?”

“Since he graduated college.” Mac remembered it well. Dennis, coming home after four years of barely speaking to him and Charlie. Dennis, taking one look at their apartment, grabbing Mac by the wrist, and dragging him to the new apartment that he’d paid for with his dad’s money, Charlie in their wake. Dennis, sleeping peacefully in his own room because he needed _space_ , while Mac and Charlie had no choice but to share a bed. Charlie, 25 years old and mumbling that he kinda wanted his own space, and Mac not knowing whether to feel sad or overjoyed. Dennis, smiling and laughing and dancing Mac round the kitchen singing along to music that Charlie would never have listened to, cooking a dinner that Charlie would’ve refused to eat.

God, it felt like lifetimes ago.

“He – “ Mac stopped, not sure if he could speak if he hadn’t been asked a question. The therapist gave a nod of encouragement. He shook his head. “It was his idea to get the bar. I think it was a plot to pick up chicks. Never worked, though. That place was a shithole.

“I never really – I never really _liked_ any of that stuff.” He waved a hand vaguely, “all the plots to get girls. It scared me, sometimes. The stuff that he did.

“And I just got tired? It seemed like a whole lotta work for something that –“ Mac frowned, spent a moment watching the therapist scribble away. “That I guess I wasn’t into? I still don’t get how all this gay crap works in the past tense. I think Dennis got it. Before I did, that is. There was just – I dunno if it was a specific point, or if it just kinda happened – but he started acting weird around me. Like _I_ was weird.

“Maybe it wasn’t me, I don’t know. Maybe it was.” Dennis had started acting weird with Mac around the same time that he had started losing control. But for all Mac knew, he could’ve been in control through all the bad times, all the mood swings and outbursts anyway. It would be typical. But he didn’t want to talk about that stuff. Not to her _._

He stayed silent for a while, trying to breathe evenly and catch up with his brain, which was racing away at a hundred miles an hour.

“Even now he’s gone, it’s still all about him. Always has been, always will be. Everything I do, everything I _think_. It’s always him.”

Finally, the therapist spoke, her face full of pity. “Do you think that’s fair? To the others around you, to yourself?”

Mac just shrugged.

“Can we talk about him leaving?”

Mac paused for a moment, thinking, before he gave a terse nod.

“So why – “

“ – He hooked up with a girl. Used a fake name. She got pregnant, never told him. Two years later, she comes back with a kid in her arms and asks if they can be a family.”

This was too hard. Mac didn’t want to talk about it anymore, didn’t want to think about it.

“It’s a long story. But a bunch of shit went down, and she found out the truth about him. She left, and he jumped on the next plane to follow her. End of story.”

“That must’ve been hard.”

“No shit.”

The therapist shuffled her notes, before looking carefully at Mac. “One more thing, Mac. Were you –“

“Don’t. Please, don’t go there.” Anything but _that_.

“How do you know what I’m going to ask?”

He glared at her.

“Okay. I understand. But do you know your answer?”

“Yes.”

She opened her mouth as if to speak again, but Mac just stood up. “We’re done here.”

 

*

 

It was later, in the evening, and he and Dee were sitting on foldout chairs in what used to be the bar, sipping at hot chocolate in silence. In the past couple of weeks, work on the place had already started; debris had been swept away, scaffolding had been put up. It was almost looking like a real place again. For what it was costing him to do all this work it _better_ , Mac thought.

“Hey, um, Dee?”

She put down her drink and looked over to him. “Yeah?”

“’m sorry,” he mumbled. “About – the other day. Y’know…”

She took another sip, the silence between them stretching out for eternity. “It’s fine. Maybe… maybe they had a point. I’ve been thinking. About stuff.”

“You have?” And damn, Mac was suddenly feeling lighter, like there was one bad thing less weighing down on his conscience.

Nudging him gently with her shoulder, Dee continued “I don’t think I wanna talk about any of that yet. But tell Dan I’m sorry, okay? It was just – I’ve not known him all that long, and I know he meant well, but…”

“Yeah.”

“I think I’d’ve rather heard it from just you. And somewhere more private.”

Mac thought for a while, falling back into a comfortable silence. He wasn’t sure what to say, had never had anyone do any of this for him. He’d had to get through it all on his own.

“I think… Dan and Carmen, they’ve known about themselves for a while, right?” Dee nodded in agreement. “And I don’t think they get what it’s like to _not_ know? They never had any of our crap, so I guess it just. Was easier. For them.” He sighed. “But I should’ve talked to you first, I’m sorry.”

“It’s _fine_ , dude. And I trust Carmen, okay? She’s so smart.” At that, Dee stared carefully down into her cup.

Oh. Shit. Mac grinned, pushing her gently and teasing “you liiiike her, don’t you?”

Dee’s face flushed. “She’s married.”

Still grinning, Mac just shook his head. “We’ve all been there, man.”

Later, when they were on their third cups and Mac was wondering how the hell he’d just managed to go an entire night without drinking, he said, out of the blue “so Dan doesn’t believe the waitress is pregnant.”

“Huh.” Dee didn’t look nearly as shocked as he’d thought she would. “What is she, four months along?” She paused, thinking. “Yeah, I reckon he’s right. I was already showing by that point?”

Mac almost dropped his cup in surprise. “That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

She shrugged. “Why, you got a plan?”

“I was hoping _you’d_ have one!”

Putting down her cup, she sighed. “Fine. I guess we’ve got work to do.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just saying.... In that last scene... Mac and Dee were 100% wearing slankets (blankets with ARMS).... make of that what you will.....
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!!! As always, please leave comments and kudos!
> 
> Also omg, I think there's maybe two (?) chapters left until Dennis can come back!!! I'm so excited jfc I'm probably more excited than any of you guys


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THREEEeE UPDATES in one week???????? who am I????/
> 
> I think some of you may have missed the last chapter, since it was so soon after the one before. So if you've not read chapter 9 (aka the Dennis talk), get thyselves back there and enjoy.

“This is the _bar_?” Charlie asked, incredulously, as he looked around the room. “It’s so clean, are you sure?”

He was right. Mac didn’t think he’d ever seen the place so clean, even back when they first bought it. If they hadn’t had to essentially rebuild the place, they could never have gotten it looking so good. The windows were big, and clean, light spilling through them into the room. The hardwood floors were polished and shining, the walls smooth and painted a light grey. If Mac hadn’t seen the outside, he wouldn’t have guessed it was the same place.

Mac shoved his hands in his pockets and grinned, looking around. “Yup. In a few weeks, we’ll be able to open again.” He nodded for Charlie to sit in one of the fold out chairs.

Once they both were seated, he leaned towards Charlie, clasping his hands together. “So, Charlie.”

Charlie wasn’t looking at him, though. He had twisted his head round to look at the new bar behind him, his eyebrows drawn together in confusion. “What’s that big metal thing? And hey,” he turned to look at Mac, lost. “Where’s all the booze?”

“Right, man. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” Mac looked at Charlie, looked down again. “We’re not… exactly opening the bar. Remember a while back when me and Frank were talking to those contractors?”

Charlie stayed silent, thinking. When understanding crossed his face, he pointed at Mac. “The fancy guys!”

“Right, yeah. So while we were asking them to fix up the place, me and Frank asked if they would help us make it into a coffee shop.” He gestured around the room, “and so here we are.”

Entire face scrunched up in confusion, Charlie tilted his head. “A coffee shop?”

“Yes.”

“What, like where the _waitress_ worked?”

“…yes.”

“What the fuck, dude?” Each time he spoke, Charlie’s voice got higher and louder. Christ, Mac had been hoping that wouldn’t happen. “We were a lousy bar and you think we’ll be able to run a _coffee shop_?”

Charlie had jumped up and started pacing, hands on his head. Mac stood up too, trying to get closer to Charlie, to make him see reason. “Charlie, look, I can _do_ this. Frank’s done it before, and we can hire help, and –“

“ – With whose money, huh?” His voice had started speeding up, too, all becoming a flurry of words. “I can’t believe you guys didn’t even _consult_ me about this –“

“ – because it’s not your bar! You _gave up_ your shares, remember?”

“But I’m not - the bar would never have existed without me! _Remember?_ ” Charlie mocked, trying to cover up the hurt behind his eyes. “I have been a part of this for so long, oh my god, I have more of a right to be in this conversation than Frank. Hell I probably have more of a right to be in it than you!”

“Oh yeah, really?” Mac asked, feeling his own voice start to rise. “And how would you figure that, huh?”

“As if you didn’t just go along with the bar thing because _Dennis_ told you to,” Charlie spat out, the corners of his mouth twitching in rage.

That was it. That was the final straw. “Do _not_ bring Dennis into this, man.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, did it just get too reeeaaal for ickle baby Mac?” And Mac didn’t think he had ever seen Charlie like this before, mean and sneering and hurt. It terrified him.

Only one thing to do. “Oh, you want _real_ , do you? Well how about this:” he shouldn’t do it, he shouldn’t say it. Warning bells were going off in his head. He ignored them. “Your precious waitress?” Charlie blinked, some sort of clarity appearing in his face. “Not pregnant. She’s been lying to you, I can only _assume_ for Frank’s money, and you’re too fucking _stupid_ to have figured it out yourself!”

Charlie jerked back, blinking rapidly, his previously tense shoulders falling back down to a slump. He looked defeated, and oh god, this wasn’t the plan. It was never meant to go down like this, Charlie was never meant to look at him with such hatred. When he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper, leaving the new silence ringing in Mac’s ears.

“How long have you known?”

Mac opened his mouth to speak, but Charlie held up a hand. “Don’t.”

“So that’s what’s been going on, right? All of you,” his voice was steadily rising again, “laughing at poor stupid Charlie, can’t even understand how babies work. Stupid, _dumb_ , good for nothing Charlie, getting tricked over and over again. Am I right?”

Mac was dumbfounded, didn’t know what to say.

“AM I _RIGHT_?” Charlie repeated in a yell, pacing towards Mac as if to push him.

When he did push Mac, though, it was weakly, before he walked away and punched a wall. “None of you guys care about me, do you? You all love each other soooo much, but –“ this time, he banged his head on the wall instead.

Mac rushed towards him, reaching out a hand to touch Charlie’s shoulder. He shrugged it off. “Charlie no, no. Of _course_ I love you, it’s just – “

“ – different. Yeah, I know.”

“No. You don’t. I _care_ about you, man. We’re Mac and Charlie. Best friends.”

“Well you certainly haven’t shown it!”

His tone had suddenly jumped to loud enough that Mac startled, before spitting back his response. “It was hard, okay? Because _all_ of my fucking LOVE and ATTENTION was - it was consumed by one person! Because I'm so fucking helplessly, and painfully in love with him that I couldn't think right without him and now he's _GONE_ , Charlie okay? He's gone!"

He backed away from Charlie, eyes wide in shock from what had just come out of his own mouth. He went to collapse into a chair. When he missed, and felt himself sliding to the ground, he just let it happen, curling into himself. And then it was like the floodgates had opened. Head on his knees, he started sobbing uncontrollably, part with rage and part just exhaustion.

He was so tired. He was so tired of all of this.

At one point, he had lost track of time by then, but Charlie had come and crouched down next to him, wrapping both arms around him and awkwardly patting him on the head. When Mac had calmed down a bit, his crying less hysterical, Charlie muttered “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

Mac looked up at him through blurry eyes. “How could you _not_? It feels like everyone did.”

Charlie just shook his head.

“I’m sorry too. I should’ve – I should’ve treated you better. The others, too.”

Silence fell, and they sat there like that for a few more minutes.

“I’m gonna call Dan to come get you, okay?” said Charlie, and Mac had honestly not even realised that Charlie had remembered his _name_ , never mind his contact details.

Mac didn’t want Dan to see him like this. But he just nodded.

 

*

 

What felt like an eternity later, Mac heard footsteps coming up to him, felt strong arms wrap around him and help him to his feet.

“Hey, baby,” Dan murmured, trying to arrange the two of them so that he could support Mac as best as possible. “You’re not well. Let’s get you home.”

Dan looked over at Charlie, nodding at him. “Thank you, for calling me. You need anything?”

Mac watched as Charlie gave a fraction of a smile, but just shook his head and put his hands in his pockets, looking down. He gave a quick wave. “Later, guys.”

As they headed out the door, Charlie called out “Mac!”

He turned, waiting.

“The bar – I mean the coffee shop. It looks good.”

Mac grinned. “Thanks, man.”

 

*

 

“Frank?”

“Yeah, Charlie?”

“Can you make this go to Dennis?” Charlie asked, handing him an envelope.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I"M SORRY FOR ALL THE ANGST I SWEar NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE MORE LIGHTHEARTED (but then the chapter after THAT,, is more angst,,)
> 
> As always, please leave comments/kudos!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Updates three times in one week and then doesn't update again for another month.  
> Sorry this took so long, guys! I hope you like it!

Mac couldn’t actually remember opening the bar. He remembered scraping together the money for his shares, doing odd jobs in a desperate attempt to earn cash. He remembered opening up a bank account for the first time in his life, Dennis sitting beside him with that look on his face that said _I’m better than you._ He remembered them all harassing Dee until she agreed to work for them. But the actual opening of the bar? Completely blank in his mind.

He thinks there was a party. Probably a lot of people showed up, because back then the bar was nice, and they all still had friends. Mac probably got black-out drunk, which would explain the blank space where this all should be. Dennis probably took a girl home. Mac probably didn’t.

Opening the café would be different. The whole ‘sobriety’ thing meant that Mac was going to remember every second of it. He wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. It was weird, though, interviewing people for jobs that they used to do themselves. Charlie, actually happy in his job as a janitor at a school, interviewed potential cleaners, and Mac _really_ didn’t want to know what he was asking them. He saw a couple of them walking out of the office shaking.

Dee was agreeing to run the place, on the conditions that she wouldn’t have to serve any drinks, and that Frank would ‘shut up and just give them money’. She was also demanding an actual salary, which Mac left up to Frank to arrange. Money wasn’t really his thing.

Her first act as boss was to hire the waitress to do what she did best. Dee had been acting very chummy with her since Mac had told her what was going on, and he was doing what seemed like the safest option by staying out of it.

And then there was Mac, who had no idea what he was actually meant to be doing. He had started to build this whole new life without ever stopping to consider what part he would play in it. Not that he’d done anything at the bar except sit around and drink all day, but still. It had _felt_ like something, at least.

Enlisting the help of Dan and Carmen (who were the two most ‘normal’ people he could think of), he threw himself into planning the opening party. And, after a couple of weeks of doing so, it had taken shape. There would be loads of people, and champagne, and cater waiters, and goddamn, it was going to be awesome.

 

*

 

“This party is awesome!”

Some girl Mac had never seen before in his life had danced up to him, shouting a bit too loudly over music that really didn’t need to be shouted over. She looked like she was having fun, a glass of champagne in her hand, dancing closer and closer to Mac as each second passed. And then her hand was on his hip and _oh._

This girl didn’t know him, that much was obvious. She didn’t know his name, didn’t know he was the owner of this place. Didn’t know he was taken. By a man.

It felt as if time had stopped as Mac froze, silently debating whether he would have to come out to this complete stranger. He knew, logically, that she would be either a friend of Dan’s or Carmen’s, and so either way would be cool with it. But the only people he’d ever officially Come Out to were his friends, which was awful enough without adding some random chick into the mix.

But then an arm slid across his shoulder and he melted into the new presence at his side. The girl jumped back as if she’d been burnt.

“Stacey, I see you’ve met my boyfriend.”

Mac looked up at Dan, surprised by how tight his voice sounded, only to see that the man was just barely managing to suppress a laugh. He caught Mac’s eye and grinned, pressing a quick kiss to his temple.

The girl, Stacey, looked as though she’d just been caught committing treason. She looked frantically between the two of them, slowly backing away. “Oh my god, I am so so sorry, I didn’t – I wouldn’t have – “

She turned and dashed away.

Dan chuckled, and turned slightly to face Mac, giving him a proper kiss in greeting. “My assistant. Poor thing looked terrified.”

“That was cruel,” Mac replied, but he couldn’t help the grin that was breaking across his face. Then he squinted. “You’re late.”

“I know. Sorry.” Dan gave him another quick peck to demonstrate his sincerity. “But I’ll make it up to you later, I promise.”

Mac smirked, and then took Dan by the hands, leading him over to the makeshift dance floor.

They chatted for a while about nothing in particular – their days, the weather, the party. While they were talking, however, Mac realised that he’d barely spent two seconds with his friends the entire night. He glanced around the room, looking for them.

“Do you think they’re having a good time?”

Dan followed Mac’s suit and looked around as well, at Carmen smiling and dancing with her husband, at Frank trying to chat up 20-year-old girls. But then there was Dee, hovering awkwardly on the sidelines like she wasn’t quite sure what to do, and Charlie, doing the same on the other side of the room, only moving in order to avoid the waitress.

“I think Dee and Charlie could be doing better. Maybe we should’ve got Dee a date.”

Mac gave Dan a light shove. “Oh no. No no no. _You_ are not allowed to meddle in Dee’s love life anymore.” Dan conceded, nodding in agreement. “Leave that stuff to me. Y’know, her best friend?”

“Fine, fine.” Dan was looking at Mac with a fondness that Mac _still_ wasn’t used to, giving him warm fuzzy feelings that he wasn’t used to either. “What about Charlie? What’s up with him?”

Shrugging, Mac replied “Think he’s still pissed about the waitress. I don’t think they’ve actually spoken about the whole pregnancy thing yet.”

“You wanna go talk to him?”

“Nah.” Mac looked back over to Dee. “I think I’ll hang out with Dee for a bit. Maybe you talk to Charlie? He likes _you_.”

Dan gave a small huff of laughter. “I think he just likes the colouring books I give him, but sure. I’ll talk to him.”

“I think you two would get on even without those things.” Mac smiled and gave Dan a quick kiss. “Talk to you later, okay?”

 

*

 

“Care for a glass of champagne, Sweet Dee?”

Dee glared at him. “Hilarious.”

Mac held a glass out to her anyway, and she continued to glare, not taking it. After a few moments like that, Mac conceded. “It’s just fizzy grape juice, dude, calm down. I’m not _that_ much of an asshole.”

“I’d beg to differ,” Dee replied, but she took the glass anyway.

They stood there in silence for a while, until Dee took a sip of her juice and promptly spat it out. “ _This_ is what grape juice is? It tastes like shit!”

“I know,” Mac smirked, “but I didn’t want the two of us to look like losers for not carrying a drink.”

“As if you need any help with that.” She used the hand holding the glass to gesture across the room. “I see your boy-toy abandoned you for Charlie.”

Mac raised his eyebrows. “Not before I abandoned _him_ for you.”

She rolled her eyes and continued to watch the two men across the room. Charlie seemed fascinated by whatever Dan was saying, but he had that ‘intellectual’ look he put on when he was trying to be a bird lawyer, or whatever, which people normally thought was weird. Dan looked slightly bewildered but he was smiling, so hey, at least Mac hadn’t made a mistake in sending him over there.

“Does Charlie seem okay to you?”

Dee looked at him. “What do you mean?”

“Like, I don’ know…” he waved his hands in the air a bit, looking for words. “He’s been acting weird lately. Weirder than usual.”

“There’s been a lot going on, dude. Give him a chance to settle.” Dee frowned at him. “Anyway, it’s _you_ who’s avoiding something.”

Mac spluttered, partly out of surprise and partly because damn, that grape juice really was bad. “What the fuck would I have to avoid?”

She just looked at him. “You know in a couple of weeks it’ll have been six months. Since…”

Shit. “Dee… are you okay?”

Dee slapped him over the head. “You’re doing it again, asshole! Deflecting when I’m _trying_ to be nice to you!”

“But you – “

“I’m fine! I fucking hate my shithead brother for leaving us, but I’m _fine._ You – “

“- I’m also fine!” Mac argued, because really. He had no reason not to be fine. He was doing well, dammit. He went to therapy, he went to AA, his new business was looking promising, and he had an awesome boyfriend. It didn’t make sense to still be upset over Dennis. Which is why he most definitely wasn’t.

Dee threw her arms in the air. “I’m gonna go talk to Carmen.”

“But – “

She pulled him in close, and muttered in his ear. “All these people are potential customers. Do you really want them to see one of our arguments and decide never to come here again?”

And with that, she walked off.

 

*

 

It was later that night, probably actually the next morning, and Mac was in Dan’s apartment, lying half on top of him with his face buried into his bare chest. Dan’s fingers were lightly brushing over Mac’s back, making him want to fall back asleep.

“Did you have a good time at your party?” he muttered into Mac’s hair.

“Yeah, it was great.” Mac chuckled. “Was the booze any good?”

“Fantastic. Whoever chose it really knows their stuff.”

Mac shuffled to look up at him, pretending to glare. “I’m too tired to stroke your ego. You can tell me all about your wine knowledge tomorrow.”

“What was up with you and Dee?”

“Nothing,” Mac answered, probably too quickly, and he winced at his own lack of subtlety. “It was just – it was just another one of our dumb arguments. Don’t worry about it.”

“Mhmm.”

They stayed quiet for a while, Dan still tracing patterns on Mac’s back and Mac pretending to be half asleep, even though his mind was racing with thoughts of his and Dee’s conversation.

“Mac?” Dan asked, so quietly that he barely heard it.

“Mmmm?”

He felt Dan shake his head. “Never mind.”

“No, no.” Mac shuffled up, propping himself up on his elbows to look at Dan. “What is it?”

Dan just leaned in to kiss him, slow and gentle, before parting, their faces still only inches from each other. “I love you.”

The world didn’t end. Mac’s heart didn’t burst out of his chest, or whatever was meant to happen. There were no fireworks. It was just them, lying in the dark in the too-fancy apartment, and all Mac could do was blink. “Um…”

Nobody had ever loved him before. Not his mother, _definitely_ not his father. If his friends did, they’d never said anything, and they’d expressed their hatred of him enough times for him to start to believe them. Mac didn’t really understand love and maybe that meant there was something wrong with him but _this_ , and Dan… It was comfortable. It wasn’t his heart racing, like it did the few times he talked about feelings and shit with Dennis. It wasn’t his stomach flipping, like it used to whenever Dennis smiled at him. It was just words.

Maybe that was for the best.

He looked Dan straight in the eyes, and whispered back “I love you too.”

His heart didn’t race, his stomach didn’t flip.

The world didn’t end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M KINDA EMOTIONAL ABOUT HOW I ENDED THIS CHAPTER OKAY I'M SORRY (I love Dan but... y'know...)  
> As always, please leave kudos and comments to let me know what you thought!!  
> Next chapter: Dennis returns???


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dennis comes back. Things go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HECKING FINALLY

“So listen,” Dee instructed, sitting on her chair backwards like she was in some kind of movie.

They were sat in Mac’s apartment, and why Dee wasn’t at the café working he had no idea. Not that he really cared, to be honest. All he had to do with the coffee shop was cash in his checks. Everything else was Dee’s problem.

Just to check, though, he asked “Shouldn’t you be – “

She waved a hand to dismiss him. “Left the waitress in charge. Listen.” She leaned forward, her face lighting up even mentioning her plan. “I’ve got a few acting class buddies coming in today. And _their_ friends too.”

“So why – “

Dee glared at him. “Stop interrupting me! I told them I’d meet them there, which I won’t. Not that they’ll notice.” She rolled her eyes, muttering “Self-absorbed assholes.

“Waitress is the only one working this morning. Told her it was gonna be a slow one.”

Understanding dawned on Mac. He ignored Dee’s looks and cut her off again. “So the actors will come in, and they’re douchebags so their orders will be ridiculously complicated Starbucks bullshit…”

“ _Exactly_! Now, she’s an incompetent drunk who I’ve only trained to make our standard menu, which means she’ll get overwhelmed. But she hates me, so she’d rather mess up the orders than admit to me that she’s struggling, which leads to the next stage of my plan.”

Dee grinned nefariously, making Mac’s insides squirm with nerves. “I’ve been making her wear this stupid ‘baby on board’ badge to work every day.”

With a nod, Mac replied “of course.”

“The actors, assholes that they are, are gonna jump on that as soon as she starts messing up. This is when Charlie’s gonna walk in, unnoticed in all the commotion. She’ll get tired of the teasing, and yell the truth at them, that she’s not pregnant.”

Mac rubbed his hands together. “Jeez, man. You thought up this whole plan yourself? Damn.”

Dee shot him a quick smile in thanks, and continued. “So Charlie’s gonna confront her about the whole ‘not pregnant’ thing, and they’ll get into a huge fight. The waitress, realising that her safety bubble’s just been burst, will try to get away, but not before grabbing money out the safe.”

“How do you know she’ll – “

“ – it’s why she was fired from her last job. _Anyway._ While all this is happening, Charlie will text me, and I’ll head over with my cop friend.” At Mac’s questioning look, she explained “Carmen’s husband. We’ll say there were complaints about a disturbance, and catch her in the act of stealing. I’ll fire her, she’ll get arrested on minor charges, and boom. That’s the waitress problem sorted.”

For once, Mac was stunned silent. He looked at Dee with something that almost felt like respect, because really. If the plan worked, then she was a genius.

“And would ya look at that,” Dee said, smirking. “I just got a text from Charlie.”

 

*

 

And then the waitress was gone, and they were toasting their success at both getting rid of her and of the coffee shop surviving its first week. The whole gang was there, sat at one of the tables an hour or so after closing time. Dan was there too, partly because he’d been the one to figure out the truth about the waitress, and partly just because he was sort of always there, recently.

They were laughing and dancing and singing along to the awful music, but eventually they sat down with the feast of the day’s leftovers and were eating in any of the moments they weren’t talking. Mac felt lighter than he had in a long time.

Which is, of course, when they heard the door swing open, and it was Dan who turned and stood up, addressing whoever had just entered.

"Sorry, man, we closed at 10."

"Who the fuck are you?" was the harsh response, and that voice. God. Mac would know that voice anywhere.

Almost in unison with the others, he spun around, not quite believing what he saw.

"Who do you think you are?" Dan asked, stepping forward as if ready to deal with any potential problem. Mac lifted his hand to lightly circle his wrist, warning him to stay back.

"Dennis. Reynolds." Each syllable was perfectly enunciated, anger lying beneath the words.

Mac saw him glance at his hand on Dan's wrist, before locking eyes with Dan again, smirking.

"But don't act as if you don't know who I am, I know they talk about me constantly. I'm Dee's brother, Mac's…" he paused, in fake thought. "How would you describe us, Mac?"

Through gritted teeth, Mac responded, "former friends."

Dan looked unimpressed. "Well, I've never heard of you, so you can't be that special. Plus, Dee only has one brother." He used his free hand to gesture back at Charlie, who, unsmiling, gave Dennis a wave.

"Fuck off, you little boy-toy." Mac's grip tightened. "And where's the fucking bar? What the hell is this place? I don't - I don't know who you people are. I'm out."

And with that, he stormed back out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

Once Dennis was gone, it was like the whole room had breathed out. Dee had buried her face in Charlie's shoulder and was gripping his shirt in an attempt to hold back sobs, Charlie's arms wrapped around her and his face in her hair, doing the same. Frank had, at some point, disappeared, but they heard crashing sounds from the office. Mac just felt numb. He barely even noticed when he started to fall out the chair, or when Dan dropped down to grab him, holding him tight against his chest. He couldn't tell if the room was shaking or if it was him, and only realised he was crying when he felt Dan's shirt get damper and damper beneath his cheek.

After what felt like forever, he finally felt himself calming down. Shakily, he mumbled to Dan, "I need to stay at your place tonight."

"Of course. Anything."

 

*

 

The night had ended pretty quickly after that. Later, still feeling shaky, Mac silently got himself ready for bed, barely looking at Dan and praying he wouldn’t bring up anything that had happened. But Dan was silent too, so lost in thought that he was going through his routine on autopilot, and Mac hated himself for being part of the cause for that.

They barely even kissed before Dan turned out the lights, rolling over to face away from Mac.

Mac didn’t fall asleep for a long time after that.

 

*

 

The next day, Mac found himself pounding at his own front door, silently hoping that Dennis was asleep and the noise would wake him up. But when the door opened, Dennis, unsmiling, looked a whole lot more awake than Mac felt. To be fair, it was almost six in the evening.

Mac had woken up that afternoon to a half-empty pot of cold coffee and a note from Dan on the kitchen table, saying he’d see him after work. Mac had promptly got himself ready and left, walking towards his (and Dennis’ too again, he supposed) apartment.

“Mac.” Dennis gave him a tiny attempt at a smile. “Come in, I didn’t think I’d see you today.”

Almost automatically, Mac started to argue. “Well, _I_ didn’t think I’d ever see you again. Guess we can both be disappointed.”

“Please, Mac…” Dennis trailed off and sighed, and _Jesus_ , Mac thought. He looked like shit.

He pointed at what looked like a fresh black eye, bright colours making the rest of Dennis’ skin look almost grey in Comparison. “Dee?”

Dennis winced, the memory still clearly fresh in his mind. “Charlie.”

Slowly moving forward, Mac grimaced. “You deserved it.”

No reply.

He was getting closer and closer to Dennis, who had started to back away. “Hell, you deserve worse,” he said, trying to hold back a snarl.

Putting his hands up in some sort of surrender, Dennis replied “please, man, I made a mistake. Can’t we just forget it?”

And oh, that was the last straw. Mac started to speak, his voice steadily rising as he did so. “A mistake is forgetting to do your laundry. A _mistake_ is eating something Charlie gives you. A mistake is not LEAVING ME.”

He had Dennis backed into a wall, and hit just beside his head. Not hard enough to leave a mark on the wall, though. His thoughts were too cloudy to make any sense of, everything he’d tried to keep bottled up for so long threatening to burst out, and he was _so close_ to Dennis, their faces inches apart, and if he wanted to he could just –

Mac hit the wall once more and turned away, hanging his head. “Us. Leaving _us_ , I mean. The gang.”

There were a few stretching moments of silence, both men breathing just slightly too heavily, standing on opposite sides of the room and facing away from each other.

Finally, Dennis spoke, quietly. “I’m not sorry, you know.”

Mac just sighed. “I know.”

“Can we have dinner?”

Turning to look at him, Mac gave a half-hearted “sure.”

 

*

 

_[Txt to: Dan <3] Might be back late, don’t wait up._

_[Reply] Everything alright?_

_[Txt] Don’t worry about it. See you later._

_[Reply] Okay. Love you x_

_[Txt] You too._

*

 

Mac and Dennis arrived at the restaurant – one of the few fancy ones they weren’t banned from – and waited to be sat down. It was weirdly busy for a weekday night, and Dennis had already tried the classic ‘slip the waiter a note’ trick. He’d used a one dollar bill though, so. No table yet.

When, finally, someone came for them, Dennis was too busy loudly voicing his complaints to notice Mac quietly lean in to the waiter, muttering “My drinks need to look real but have no alcohol, got it?” The waiter nodded, smiling in understanding. “And keep them coming.”

They sat down, and Dennis quickly ordered for both of them, because that’s what he Did, and Mac never had any problem with it before. But Mac was becoming very aware that there they were, sitting across from each other at a little table tucked away in a corner, and Dennis was shuffling in his seat and complaining about the waiters, and Jesus Christ Mac wished he could have a drink. A real one. Because when he’d agreed to dinner he hadn’t thought about what it would be like, hadn’t even considered that it would be just like every monthly dinner they’d had for the past however many years.

The dinners which had, of course, stopped in recent months, replaced only by tedious movie nights with the gang.

But there they were again, the two of them sitting, eating and drinking and not really talking. Mac wanted to scream, to do something, _anything_ to break the tense silence.

“The food is… good?” Mac tried, almost on impulse checking to see if his opinion was the same as Dennis’, checking if he was right.

Dennis nodded, and even now, even after all this time, Mac felt relief that he’d got it right.

But then the silence continued, their cutlery scraping against the plates, taunting him. Dennis, not looking up from his plate, voice low, asked “who is he?”

Mac took a sharp breath in, toughening himself up. “That’s none of your business.”

And then it was silent again.

"He's an asshole."

"He loves me."

Mac watched ruefully as Dennis' eyes widened, as he tightened his grip on the wine glass, knuckles turning white. Watched as the wine glass cracked, shattered under the pressure of the grip, red wine mixing with the blood from where the glass cut Dennis' hand. Mac could tell, by the twitching muscles in his face, that his thoughts were racing, but still Dennis didn't say a word, didn't move his eyes off Mac.

"And do you," Dennis started, his voice so high-pitched it was practically a squeak, "do you love him?"

Mac just folded his arms and leant back in his chair, raising his eyebrows. "You left."

"Answer my question," and phew, Dennis was talking like a normal person again.

Slowly shaking his head, Mac asked "why did you leave," but it felt like more of an accusation than a question.

Dennis slammed the remains of his glass on the table, rising to stand as he did so. "Goddammit Mac!" he yelled, and Mac said nothing. Around them, the restaurant was silent, all eyes on them. Dennis let out a quiet breath, and then slowly lowered himself back into his seat, glaring daggers at anyone still looking at them. "Answer my question."

"No." Mac stood his ground, keeping his eyes locked with Dennis'. "Answer _mine_."

"Fine. Fine, you wanna know why?" Mac watched as Dennis looked down, running both hands through his hair. He looked up, straight at Mac, and answered. "I left because I couldn't stand myself anymore."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. I ended it quickly. But I'm tired and I've got a headache and wanted some angst so ta-da! Here it is!   
> As always, please leave comments/kudos!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big Things Happen

“What happened to being home late?” asked Dan, looking up from his spot on the sofa to watch Mac enter. “It’s not even nine yet.”

Mac, too exhausted to come up with a response, just shook his head. “I don’t know.” He sat on the sofa, curling up next to Dan. “I don’t know.”

Dan adjusted his position to allow Mac more room, started circling his hand on Mac’s back. “Everything okay?”

“No.”

“Do you wanna – “

Mac cut him off. “Tell me about your day?”

“Sure.” Dan gave him a tiny smile. “So we had some guy come in from the New York offices, thinks he’s so much better than us, so I was like ‘look, guy…”

He continued to talk, voice soft, as Mac slowly drifted off to sleep.

 

*

 

Mac dreamt of Dennis. Of _course_ he dreamt of Dennis, asshole wouldn’t even leave him alone in his mind. He dreamt of Dennis, wild with rage at the universe, his movements exaggerated and his words harsh. Dennis, looking at Mac and letting all that energy just go, and then he was calm and almost smiling and it was just them, the only two people in the world. Dennis sleeping next to Mac every night, so close that he could just _touch_ him, if he moved over an inch. Dennis coming home after all that time and looking at Mac like he was the only thing he wanted to see. Dennis, hurt and exhausted but still _there_ somehow.

Mac was woken by a sudden weight on him, by someone pressing kisses on his face. He blinked, smiling up. “D- Dan!” He propped himself up on his elbows to kiss him back, before whacking him gently on the arm. “Get off me, you weigh a ton.”

Dan raised an eyebrow. “You don’t normally care,” he said, but rolled over so that he was under Mac instead.

“No, but I think you pressed on my bladder.” When he saw Dan clearly trying to stifle a laugh, he grabbed a pillow and hit him in the face. “Asshole,” he added, climbing off the bed to head towards the bathroom.

Being in Dan’s bathroom was weird. Mac had always thought of bathrooms as very personal things, more so than the bedroom, even. The room was clean, and big, and free from the clutter that Mac was so used to in his own apartment. But Mac had a toothbrush by the sink, and there was a set of towels he referred to as ‘his’, and it was weird. Almost _domestic._

He brushed his teeth and splashed water on his face, before deciding that he might as well just get into the shower, it wasn’t like he was in any kind of rush.

When he was finished getting ready, Mac sauntered towards the kitchen, half expecting Dan to have already left for work. And yet there he was, frying up breakfast whilst the coffee dripped into the pot.

“Shouldn’t you be at work by now?” Mac asked, glancing at the clock on the counter. 11am.

Dan turned and grinned. “It’s Saturday, you idiot. C’mere.”

Mac rolled his eyes but still put out his arm, letting Dan pull him in by the wrist. “Have I mentioned you’re an asshole?” he asked, before pressing their lips together.

“Once or twice,” Dan chuckled. “But you love me anyway.”

“Mmmmh,” replied Mac, leading Dan further away from the cooking, continuing to kiss him softly. Goddamn, he was turning into some kind of lame chick. “You’re in a good mood.”

“Because, I get the whole day with you. What do you wanna do?”

“Coffee? I’ve gotta get down to the café anyway, remind Dee that I still exist and am still her boss.”

Dan hummed in agreement, then added “you know she’s gonna yell at you, right?”

“When is she _not_ yelling at me?”

 

*

 

Mac was still getting used to walking into what used to be the bar and seeing a coffee shop instead. He was still getting used to seeing actual _customers_ , too. It being a Saturday lunch time, there wasn’t an empty table in the place, and there was this weird but comfortable hum of conversation in the place. No shouting across an empty room, no unexplained noises.

He led Dan over to where Charlie was sat, alone at the gang’s usual table and glaring at a kids colouring book.

“Where’s Frank?”

Charlie blinked up at him, only just noticing he had company. “Not here, I don’t know. ‘s no booze here.”

Mac pulled a seat up to the table, gesturing at the new waitress to bring over a pot of coffee. Dan sat too, tapping at the colouring book. “This new?””

“Dennis gave it to me.” He flipped through the pages. When he spoke again, his voice was more high-pitched, words speeding up as he went along. “That’s weird, right? I mean, why’s he giving me stuff and it’s not even the right _kind_ , this is for like babies or something and do I _look_ like a baby? And I told him I like the grown-up ones now and he said I’d just colour outside the lines and I told him no because I’m more smarter now and work in like, a school and stuff but –“

“Charlie!”

Charlie stopped mid-sentence and reeled back, once again just blinking at Mac. “Mac?”

Jesus Christ, Mac wished he could drink. “When did this happen, when was Dennis talking to you?”

“I don’ know, maybe yesterday? It was just the one time, I swear!” His eyes were wide, and he had his arms out towards Mac, as if pleading for him to believe him. “And I punched him! But I’ve not seen him since then, I swear.”

“Okay?”

A coffee pot was forcefully put down on the table, and Mac didn’t even bother to look and see who it was, because she was already scraping a chair up. “’sup bitches.” Dee threw a peace sign and really, what was that about? “What’re we talking about?”

“Dennis,” replied Mac, eyebrows raised.

“ _What?_ ” Dee hit Charlie in the arm, looking between him and Mac. “Did you see him again, Charlie? Because I swear to god, if you did –“

“ - Will somebody _please_ explain to me what is going on?” cut in Dan, grabbing Dee’s raised arm to stop her from hitting Charlie again.

Dee didn’t take her eyes off Charlie. “We have nothing to do with Dennis until Mac says we do.”

What? “What?” Mac asked, as Dan did the same.

“How many times do I have to remind you that you’re in charge?” Dee asked, getting dangerously close to a shout.

Overlapping her words, Mac shot back “how many times do I have to say I don’t _want_ to be in charge?”

“You don’t just get to choose!” Dee’s head was shaking frantically as she spoke. “It’s not up to you! And this – this thing, this whole goddamned mess - hit you hardest, which means that _you_ have gotta be the one that ends it!”

“I. Don’t. Care!” Mac stood up, gripped the back of his chair. He locked eyes with Dan, who was looking up at him confused, probably dying to understand what was going on. Mac couldn’t bear it, any of it. He needed to get out, needed air and space to breathe. Needed to be alone.

He turned around, started to head towards the door, and froze. All eyes were on him, but that was nothing new. He could barely even see them, and the ringing in his ears meant he couldn’t notice the silence that had undoubtedly fallen across the place.

But none of that mattered, because just in from the entrance, stood still and silently watching him, was Dennis.

Mac kept walking.

He saw, out of the corner of his eye, Dan start to rise and follow him, but get stopped by Dee placing a hand on his arm. He pushed past Dennis, not doing anything to acknowledge his presence, and walked out the door, pacing down the street as fast as he could.

Once he felt he was far enough away, and had turned a corner, Mac leant against a wall, let himself slide down to sit on the floor. He sat there, staring into space, barely even noticing when the sound of footsteps approached him.

“Mac.”

He kept looking forward. “Fuck off, Dennis.”

There was a slight rustle of movement. Dennis crouching down, probably. Mac felt his body heat at his side as Dennis sat, mirroring Mac by staring ahead.

“Mac.”

Mac said nothing.

There was a sigh, and Mac felt Dennis’ eyes on him, burning a hole in the side of his head. “Your boyfriend’s worried.”

“I know.” Silence. Mac waited for Dennis to turn his head back, to stop looking at him. “I never told him about you. Didn’t know how.”

Dennis gave a very quiet, very forced laugh. “How about ‘my best friend slash life partner of twenty-five years moved to North Dakota because he thought he had a shot at having a family’?”

“Life partner?” Mac asked, fighting the urge to turn and meet Dennis’ eyes.

“Don’t play dumb, Mac. It doesn’t suit you.”

Mac ignored him. “Why did you come back? What happened out there?”

Dennis sighed again. “I got there, and things were fine for a couple of weeks. Then the kid’s real dad came back.”

Eyes wide, Mac snapped his head over to Dennis, who just nodded with a bitter smile. Mac went back to looking forward. “Yup. Turns out she’d panicked when he walked out and came to me, because the dates kinda matched and she didn’t want her kid to be ‘fatherless’.”

“Explains why she kept him a secret for so long.” Mac huffed. “I’m guessing you broke down?”

“It’s a bit of a blur. Next thing I remember clearly is waking up in a mental health clinic. Hands were bandaged, so I think I hit something.

“I think Frank knew where I was? They took away my phone but he sent me some fucking stupid note from Charlie, as well as a letter giving permission to discharge me. And then I came home, and my head was clear, and I saw you with _him_ and everything went bad again.”

Mac glared ahead. “You coming back had the same effect on me.”

“I’m still not sorry.”

“Neither am I.”

“Do you think… do you think if we had both gotten sorted out earlier, things would have turned out differently? With us?”

Through gritted teeth, Mac responded with “That’s not what happened, though. Is it?”

“No.” He saw Dennis duck his head. “No, it’s not.”

The following silence stretched on forever.

“I’ve been going to AA meetings. With Dee.”

“Pfft, why would you do _that?_ ”

Mac looked at him. “Dennis.”

Dennis looked back at him. “Yeah, I know. I get it.”

Another silence. “I’m glad you left.”

“Me too.”

“Not sure how I feel about you coming back, yet.”

“Me too.”

“You’re not leaving again.”

“I’ll stay as long as you let me. I’ll do anything.”

Mac sighed, and watched as Dennis got up off the ground. He looked up at him, not quite ready to move. “You can have the apartment. I’m gonna stay with Dan for a while.” At Dennis’ questioning look, he quickly explained “boyfriend.”

“Right, of course. Makes sense.” Dennis looked away for a moment, before holding out a hand to help Mac up.

Mac took it and got up, still observing Dennis quietly. Dennis, who was not letting go of his hand, if anything just gripping it tighter. Dennis, using this to pull Mac in, so close that their faces were almost touching.

“Dennis, Den…” Mac touched their foreheads together. “Don’t do this.”

It wasn’t the first time they’d kissed, not even close. Mac knew, because he’d kept a list in the back of his mind for as long as he could remember. This time was different, though. This time they were both sober, and Mac was gay and Dennis wasn’t but he was _something,_ because he was kissing Mac so desperately that Mac could barely remember how to breathe, and his fingers were digging into Mac’s hips and Mac’s were tangled up in his shirt and Jesus _Christ_ , the world was ending.

Mac remembers being 15, getting the spoilt, obnoxious Dennis Reynolds drunk for the first time. Dennis, pinning him against the wall and kissing him, sloppy and unpractised but a kiss nonetheless. He remembers the tiny part of his brain that was still sober telling him to push Dennis away, because they were two boys and that wasn’t _allowed_ , and God was going to hate him, but for a moment he forgot to care. And then the moment passed and he was going to push but Dennis had pulled away anyway, and they never spoke about it again.

Mac shoved Dennis away, breathless. “We can’t. I have – I have a…” He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. “…Dan. My boyfriend.”

“Forget him, it’s –“

“ – no. _No._ This is not your choice, you ruined my life!” Mac threw his hands in the air. “And I got it back together, and I plan to keep it that way.”

“Mac…”

“No.” He sighed. “Jesus, we’ve gotta get back to the guys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god, this one was fun to write. FINALLY some macdennis, and it only took 13 chapters haha. As always, please leave comments and kudos! And come talk to me on my tumblr! (@superangsty)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know anymore

Mac’s head was pounding. It was loud, like the beat of a drum – or maybe that was his heart, it was hard to tell. That combined with the incessant ringing in his ears made it impossible to hear anything outside of himself; it was like he was detached from the rest of the world. Try as he might, he couldn’t get the room to stay still around him. Nothing was where it was meant to be – every time he moved there was something new to trip on, something he could barely even _see_ because the whole world was just slightly out of focus.

Christ, and he’d only had a six-pack. And a few shots, maybe. He couldn’t quite remember.

It took him a few seconds to process the sound of the door opening, and by that point there was already a hand on his shoulder. Mac flinched away, ready to fight.

He turned to face the offender, taking a moment to allow his focus to get better, because he was fairly sure there weren’t two of the same guy in front of him.

“You.” He squinted, trying to think. The name was swimming somewhere in his mind, just out of reach. “What are you doing here?”

“I live here.”

Mac looked around, blinking at his surroundings. “I don’t?”

“Not quite.” The guy – Dan, was his name Dan? – sighed. He held out his arms. “Mac, baby, come here.”

Reluctantly, Mac stepped towards the guy, allowing himself to be folded up in his arms. He felt a hand gently stroke his hair, a kiss get pressed to his forehead.

“Let’s get you to bed.”

“No.” Mac tried to push away, but couldn’t find the strength. “No, I – I wanna go home, when can I go home, I wan’…”

Even as he spoke, though, he felt himself be steered out of the room, carefully guided onto a bed. It was soft, and comfortable, and everything was still hazy and making it so goddamned hard to fight, to find a reason not to collapse onto the bed and fall asleep.

 

*

 

When Mac woke up, he was alone. The curtains were open, bright morning light spilling through them, making his already piercing headache just that bit worse. The bedside table on his side had water and a pack of aspirin, which he gladly took before burying himself back under the covers.

The next time he woke up, he was still alone, and really that should not have disappointed him as much as it did. He rolled off the bed and into the bathroom to rinse out his mouth, and then shuffled through into the living area, wrapping himself up in a blanket as he walked back past the bed.

Dan, coffee in hand, looked up at him from the sofa as Mac shuffled in. There were blankets and pillows folded up neatly on the side, which meant that great. He’d slept on the couch. As if Mac needed _more_ reasons to feel guilty.

“Morning.” Dan didn’t smile as he greeted Mac, didn’t walk over to him like he normally did. He patted the spot beside him. “Here, come sit.”

Mac did as he was told. “Look, about last night –“

He was cut off by Dan holding up a hand to stop him. “Not now. Mac…” He turned to face Mac properly, took his hands in his. “I’m worried, I’m really – “ He stopped, looked down at their hands. “You’ve not left the apartment in two weeks. You’ve not seen or even _spoken_ to anyone, even me, and now I come home to find you drinking?”

“I’m fine!”

“No. No, I don’t think you are.” Dan fell silent, sitting observing Mac for a few moments. “I don’t think you should be alone, shit, but I have a meeting this morning I can’t skip. I’ll – ah, I can be back around lunchtime, okay?”

Mac nodded, still too tired and hung-over to fully get what was going on.

“I need to go, I’ll be late…” Dan muttered to himself, before addressing Mac again. “I called Dee. Hope that’s okay. Christ, Mac.” He looked at Mac sadly, putting a hand on his neck and leaning forward to kiss him gently. When he pulled back, he stayed in the same position, stroking Mac’s jaw with his thumb.

“I have to go.” He stood up, brushing his hands quickly over his suit to straighten it out. He sped to the door and then turned, door already half open. “I love you.” He shook his head. “I – I’ll see you later.”

 

*

 

“I can’t believe you get to live in this fancy-ass place for free while the rest of us struggle to pay rent on our tiny shitty apartments.”

Dee had already started talking when Mac opened the door for her, dumping her bag and jacket at the entrance. They ended up just landing on top of Charlie though, since he was following in her wake.

Mac shut the door and gestured for them to sit down, mostly ignoring them and heading to the kitchen instead. “I mean, I’m still paying rent on my _actual_ apartment.” He opened the fridge. “Soda?”

They both nodded, and Charlie came over to help him carry the glasses. “Yeah, and I’ve not paid for my place since Frank moved in. What was that, like two years ago?”

Dee gave a long, exaggerated sigh, and dragged a hand over her face. “Ten, Charlie. It’s been ten years.”

“Nah, that doesn’t sound right,” replied Charlie, flopping down on the couch next to Dee.

Mac, not really sure how he was meant to behave, perched on the arm of the couch they were sitting on, sipping carefully at his drink. He watched quietly as Dee and Charlie argued, finding himself completely incapable of jumping into the conversation – it felt as if they were on a different plane of reality to him.

“Mac!”

He blinked at Dee and Charlie, who had stopped their conversation and were looking at him expectantly. “Huh?”

Dee looked at him as if he’d gone mad. “What are we gonna do?”

Right. So now was the time for Mac to pretend that he’d actually been listening to their conversation. “What are we gonna do with what?”

“With the day.” Dee gave a long-suffering sigh. “You wanna go out? We could –“

“ – No.” Mac was panicking, trying to come up with a reason for them to stay in the apartment, do anything but go outside. “We could… we could watch a movie?”

Charlie glanced around the room, frowning slightly. “I don’ know, man. I think Dan’s TV is broken, it’s all bent out of shape.”

“Nah, I think that just means it’s expensive,” replied Mac, turning it on to find something to watch. As he searched, he hopped down onto the couch next to Charlie, ending up practically on top of him. But Charlie didn’t complain, just adjusted his seating position so that everyone was comfortable, and so Mac didn’t bother moving.

“How about we watch Predator?”

“No!”

“Absolutely not.”

 

*

 

At some point during the movie, Mac had fallen back asleep. He woke up to the sound of the credits starting and sat up, taking his head off Charlie’s chest. He blinked and looked over at the other two, both still asleep, and quietly got up to tidy the mess of soda and popcorn around them.

The movement must have woken them up, because next thing he knew they were yawning and shuffling up into a more upright position, stretching their arms above their heads.

“Did we seriously just sleep through an entire movie? When did we start acting like _old_ people?”

Mac ignored her, instead asking “what’s the time? Do you think Dan will be home soon? Shit, I gotta get this place tidy before he gets here.”

Dee just looked at him incredulously. “How the hell would I know? And why would I care?”

“I’m just saying, you helped make the mess, maybe you should help –“

“ – um, no? I’m not the weird gay housewife here, dude. That’s you.”

“I’m not a housewife! You take that back or –“

Charlie, who had until then been staring blankly ahead, cut in with a quiet “ – I miss the waitress.”

Leaning back, Dee put her arm around him. “No you don’t.”

Mac, feeling left out, sat back down on the other side of him. “She was mean, dude. And she lied to us.”

“We’re mean too!” Charlie was looking back and forth between Mac and Dee. “And we lie! How are we any better than her?”

Mac and Dee fell silent, passing each other horrified glances over the top of Charlie’s head.

Dee was the one who broke first. “Nobody said we are.” Her voice was eerily calm as she said it, making Mac wonder how much time she spent reminding herself that they, the gang, weren’t Good People. God knows he’d thought about it enough.

That was the problem with giving up drinking, really. It made his thoughts too clear to ignore.

“I wish I’d never had sex with her.”

“Me too.” Mac forced a laugh, and looked over at Charlie, who was looking down at his hands, tangling his fingers together.

“I think it broke the gang.”

Mac blinked. “What?”

“You’re joking, right?”

Charlie shook his head frantically, once again looking between Mac and Dee. “I’m serious! Think about it: I bang the waitress, then suddenly Dennis is leaving and Dee gets sick and we burn down the bar and you guys both start acting super weird and Frank’s never around anymore and I’m the _only one_ who can’t keep up and –“ He stopped, trying to catch his breath after talking so fast non-stop.

When he calmed down, he spoke again. “I’m sorry, guys. This is all my fault. I need to – I’ve gotta go.” He shook his head one last time, then stood up and headed towards the door. Mac got up, ready to chase after him, but stayed back when Dee glared at him.

The door clicked open before Charlie reached it, revealing Dan carrying a bag of groceries. He looked at Charlie, surprised. “Hey, man. How’re you?”

Charlie just shook his head again, walking blankly past him and out through the door.

An awkward silence fell across the room for a few moments, nobody daring to look at each other.

“Well, I’m off,” Dee exclaimed, jumping up and rushing to the door. “I’ll leave you two to, um,” she waved a hand vaguely between them, and then shot a glare at Mac. “Talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter took a really long time to write??? (normally I do nothing for ages then pump out the whole thing in one sitting but this took like 2 weeks)  
> Hope you liked it! As always, please leave comments/kudos.  
> If you wanna talk to me on my tumblr, I just made a sunny sideblog! It's @sparklymac, check it out!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac and Dan have The Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, the last chapter didn't really get any comments (except from the always wonderful asoledad96 ilu bb), which was kinda demotivating ngl. But here, I still got some writing done! Enjoy some more angst!

Once Dee was gone, Mac just sat there, very carefully Not Looking at his boyfriend. He stared at the coffee table in front of him, at the neglected popcorn kernels scattered around, making a mess he was still itching to clean up. After a few moments thinking about it, he decided he might as well, and so silently went to grab a bin bag from the kitchen, leaving a wide berth around where Dan was sat.

He felt Dan’s eyes burning into the back of his head as he cleaned, but still he didn’t dare look. He picked up the trash, he straightened everything up and put it back in its place, and he was about to go get the hoover when Dan came up and stopped him, grabbing his arms.

“That’s enough, Mac.”

Mac looked to the side.

“Look at me,” he said, softly, but Mac didn’t move. “I won’t hurt you, I – I won’t yell. If that’s what you’re worried about, I mean.”

Sighing, Mac looked up to meet his eyes, taking note of how worried he looked, like Mac was something to be careful with. “I don’t want to talk.”

Dan just shook his head, nudging his nose against Mac’s. He pressed their lips together in a quick kiss before speaking. “We can’t put it off anymore, Mac.”

Mac looked around, at this apartment that wasn’t even _his_ , the life he knew he didn’t belong in. “Not here.”

“Bedroom?” asked Dan, waiting for Mac to nod in response before taking hold of his hand and leading him through the door.

Agreeing to go into the bedroom was a mistake. Mac could see that the second he walked inside. If the living area had made him feel detached then the bedroom was doing the complete opposite – he had spent so much time in there the past few weeks, trying to regain energy that just wouldn’t come, trying to stop his thoughts before they got too loud, and going in there made him want to just curl back up into bed. And as if the universe wasn’t screwing him enough, there was a photo of him and Dan displayed right on the bedside table.

The whole room was just _begging_ for Mac to screw everything up.

He sat carefully down on the bed, once again avoiding Dan’s gaze by looking at his hands. He felt the bed shift when Dan sat down, and shuffled so that there was a bigger gap between them.

“I, um.” He laughed, because he had no idea what else he should be doing. “I don’t even know where to start.”

Dan just watched him.

“Right, okay. Dennis and Dee are twins, Frank is their dad. Me and Charlie went to high school with them. Just – “ Christ, he really didn’t want to be doing this. “ – anything I’ve told you, about my life before we met? Just assume Dennis was there too. We were roommates.”

“Why did you never mention him?” asked Dan, his brow creased in confusion.

Mac ducked his head again. “Didn’t know how. When we met I, uh. I wasn’t ready to talk about him. He had just walked out on us, and quite frankly I was a mess. By the time I was ready to start talking, I’d left it too long. Didn’t want to make things weird between us.”

“Were you two…”

“No! No, we. Um. I came out less than a year ago, you’re the first guy I’ve ever – I mean, not _ever_ , but y’know. Been serious with. He didn’t feel that way about me, anyway. About anyone, actually.”

Silence fell between them, dragging on for eternity.

Finally, Dan drew in a breath. "Are you still in love with him?"

"What? I was never - " Dan shot him a look that said 'quit the act', so Mac just quietly finished, "I don't know."

"Okay, that's okay." Another silence. "Are you in love with me?"

Mac lay down, carefully staring up at the ceiling. "Yes. Maybe, I - I don't know."

Dan stroked a thumb on Mac's cheek. "I'm not sure if that's okay," he said, sadly.

Looking up at him, Mac said quietly, "You were never meant to stay.”

Dan’s hand jolted back as if he’d been burned. “What? What do you mean?”

“That first night.” Mac kept staring at the ceiling. “You weren’t meant to stay. I was supposed to wake up to find you gone, but then you –“ He tried his best to laugh, subtly bringing a hand up to rub away a tear threatening to fall from his eye. “You made me fucking _breakfast_. And I didn’t think a guy like you would _ever_ want someone like me, but you stayed. And you just kept staying.”

Mac wasn’t even trying to fight the crying anymore, relishing in the feeling of the hot tears rolling down his cheeks. It felt like some huge weight lifting off him. He rolled over onto his side, curling up into Dan’s arms. He gripped at his t-shirt whilst Dan rubbed his back, firm movements making him feel like he could breathe again.

“I got offered a promotion this morning.”

Mac looked up at him, fighting back another sob. “That’s great, babe.”

“Yeah…” Dan’s hand stopped moving. “It’s in London.”

Forcing a smile, Mac could just about choke out a “wow.”

And then he was crying again, and it was like he was watching himself do it and screaming to just _stop_ , to stop crying and start acting like a man, but it had no effect. Instead, he just gripped Dan even tighter. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I should be happy for you. I’m sorry.”

Dan just shushed him gently. “It’s okay, Mac. You’re okay.”

“I don’t want this to go away.”

“Neither do I,” Dan said, going back to stroking Mac’s cheek. “But I think we both need some time to think, clear our heads.” He sighed, shaking his head. “Lord knows I can’t think clearly when I’m around you.”

Mac sniffed, and sat back up. “You’re not leaving?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know what to do…” Dan leaned in to kiss Mac, the taste of his mouth mixing in with the salt of Mac’s tears. “I have a week to decide.”

Mac just looked at him, shaking his head slowly. “I wanna go home, Dan. Take me home? Please,” He kissed Dan again. “Please, I need to go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was kinda short, but that's bc next chapter is slightly different. (hint hint: It's in Dennis' POV...). As always, please leave comments/kudos to tell me what you thought!!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dennis POV, what could possibly go wrong haha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter time! (btw y'all are so nice,, I love you guys :,) )

Dennis Reynolds was lonely.

He had thought – or maybe _assumed_ was the better word – that when he came back everything would return to normal. It wasn’t even that the gang’s normal was that great, but after spending five months with nothing to do but be forced to confront his feelings, he had really been looking forward to just walking into the bar, grabbing a drink, and sitting down with his friends. Like nothing had ever happened.

But that was a fantasy, and when he walked into the bar it was gone. And his friends – god, his friends looked genuinely happy. But then they turned to look at him and their faces fell, and he knew it was a mistake, that he should just try to make peace but then Mac was touching that _intruder_ and he just. Snapped.

He’d already walked out on them once, and so he did it again. He went home to his apartment and stayed up the whole night, waiting to see if someone would come and find him. Nobody ever did, though, which left him to sit around in the place that he used to call home and very deliberately not think about the fact that both sides of the bed looked slept in, that there were clothes in the laundry that were obviously not Mac’s, that the whole place was stocked with food and toiletries from brands that Mac had probably never heard of, and that he really, _really_ needed some beer but there was something wrong with that, too, because there was none to be found.

The thing was, Dennis could deal with a lot of things. He could deal with Charlie lashing out and punching him when he tried to make peace. He could deal with the fact that his twin sister, his built-in best friend, was acting like he’d never existed. He could deal with Mac’s constant jumping between ignoring him and picking fights.

What he could not deal with, however, was Mac being in a relationship with a man that wasn’t him.

Dennis hated Mac, he _hated_ him.

Hated what a self-deluded idiot he was. How he dressed, how he spoke.

Hated how his expression would soften whenever he looked at Dennis.

Hated how many times Mac had almost, nearly kissed him. How many times Dennis was forced to move away because they were interrupted.

Hated how many times they weren’t interrupted.

Most of all, though, he hated how Mac was the only person he’d ever met that could give him _feelings_.

Unlike the rest of his friends, Dennis wasn’t an idiot. He’d gone to an ivy league college, for God’s sake. During his months in rehab he’d sat back quietly and let the therapists prod and poke at his relationship with his best friend, he let them think they were making huge breakthroughs about his emotions when really that one thing, that one cluster of tiny, niggling feelings, was the only thing he didn’t need help in understanding. Because he knew exactly what those feelings were, and he knew what they meant. He’d known since he was fifteen years old, when he had decided to shove it down and quietly hope that nobody would notice or mention it.

The disappointing part was that nobody ever _did_.

 

*

 

There was a knock at the door, and Dennis dragged himself away from the daytime TV he was watching to go and answer it. He opened it to find the guy – what was his name, why couldn’t he remember his name – standing in front of him, looking as exhausted as Dennis felt. He was practically holding up Mac, who appeared to be conscious but was clinging to his boyfriend and mumbling nonsense, face buried into the side of his neck.

“Um, hi,” Dennis greeted, because what was he meant to _say_? What was anyone meant to say, in a situation like that?

The guy gave him a quick nod. “Hi.”

“Um…”

“ – do you mind if I come in?” He shook his head apologetically, and gestured to Mac. “I need to get him to bed, he’s not. Ah, he’s not feeling so great.”

Dennis wanted to punch him.

 _Mac loves this man_ , he reminded himself, and so reluctantly stepped back to allow the guy in. He trailed after him whilst he quietly guided Mac to the bedroom, and then waited outside the door, arms crossed, for the guy to reappear.

Once he was back in the living area and had closed the bedroom door behind him, the guy ran a hand over his face. “Sorry for dropping in on you like this. I’d’ve used my key, but y’know. Wasn’t sure if it would be appropriate.”

Ignoring him, Dennis glared and asked, “I thought Mac was staying at yours?”

“He is.” He frowned. “Was. I don’t know. But he asked me to take him home, and so here I am.”

“Look, guy – “ Dennis started, but got cut off almost immediately.

“– Dan.”

“What?”

“My name is Dan.” The guy – _Dan_ , held out a hand. “And I don’t think we ever got to be formally introduced.”

 _Mac loves this man,_ Dennis thought, and carefully shook Dan’s hand. He deliberately held it a moment too long. “What do you want, Dan?” he sneered.

He watched as Dan turned his head to look back at the closed bedroom door, his expression almost sad. He shrugged. “Him.”

Jealousy flared up inside him, and Dennis wanted to punch him. No, screw that. He wanted to kill him. _Mac loves this man._

“Yeah,” Dennis replied, looking down at the ground. “Yeah.” He let a few moments pass, carefully slowing down his breathing. “Is Mac, um. What’s the matter with him?”

“I don’t know, I –“ Dan turned back to look at Dennis. “I think a lot has been changing very fast, these past few weeks. And that shit’s hard, especially when you’re sober.” He frowned. “Which reminds me: if you let him anywhere _near_ alcohol I will find you and kill you myself.”

 _Mac loves this man,_ Dennis thought, and it was starting to make sense. He took a step back, gestured at the couch. “Have a seat, Dan.”

Dan eyed him warily but took a seat, and Dennis waited until he was settled in to sit down himself in the chair opposite.

“I don’t like you.”

Dan gave a huff of laughter in response. “I don’t like you either. But I love Mac. And Mac loves you. We should at least _pretend_ to get on.”

Dennis felt his heart clench, felt his mind go into panic mode whilst he tried to think of something to say. “What’s your deal, anyway? Why would you _want_ to associate with us –“ He stopped himself, because it wasn’t really an ‘us’ kind of situation anymore. “With them. We’re not good people, you know. We – _they_ – destroy everything they come into contact with.”

“So I’ve been warned.” Dan raised his eyebrows. “Yet to see any evidence of that, though.”

“It’ll happen to you too.”

Dan shrugged. “I’ve survived worse.”

“This is your entire _life_ I’m talking about. You really haven’t.”

Dan stood up and walked over to Dennis, leaning over him. His voice was low, angry. “I _really_ have.” He pushed off the chair and away from Dennis, walking towards the door. “Forgive me, for falling in love with your friend,” he called back, voice dripping with sarcasm. He smirked. “It’s an easy mistake to make, as I’m sure you’re aware.”

“I –“ Dennis wanted to scream, wanted to kill him. Wanted that same confidence in talking about feelings. Or whatever.

“Dennis…” Dan had stopped at the door, shoulders slumped. He sighed. “Please make sure he’s okay. He’s really not well. Not been sleeping, barely been eating. Have him check in with me. I, ah, I _need_ to know he’s okay.”

“Um…” _Mac loves this man._

Dan just gave a small wave and left, leaving Dennis to try and figure out what the hell to do now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! I'd've made it longer but also,, I wanna go back to Mac's POV (also, I was thinking of doing Dee and Charlie chapters too. Thoughts?)  
> Please leave comments/kudos if you like!


	17. Chapter 17

For the first time in weeks, Mac woke up in his own bed. He felt as if he’d just woken up hungover from a black-out, headache and all. There was no way of telling what time or even what _day_ it was – for all Mac knew, he could’ve been asleep for hours. The blinds were closed, leaving the room dark, and the fact that he was still exhausted was no indicator, considering how that had been an almost permanent state for him recently.

He could hear the TV blaring through the wall, and Dennis’ raised voice complaining along with whatever it was he was watching. And jesus, it felt so familiar that Mac almost wanted to start crying again.

Almost. But he didn’t. He was a man, goddammit.

He rolled out of bed and ended up on the floor with a thump. If he was being honest with himself, he didn’t really want to go through the effort of getting up off the floor, so he just shuffled up so that he was sat leaning against the bedframe.

There was some sort of scrambling outside, and a few seconds later Dennis came bursting through the door.

“Mac? Are you –“ Dennis stopped mid-sentence when he saw Mac sitting, perfectly contentedly, on the floor. He raised his eyebrows, clearly holding back from saying more. “You’re an idiot.”

Mac grinned teasingly. “You were worried about meee,” he sing-songed.

“No I – “ Dennis put his hands on his hips and looked agitatedly around the room. He pointed at Mac “I thought you _fell_ , you –“ Once again he cut himself off and looked around the room. He sighed. “You’re awake. Text your boyfriend, dumbass, before he decides to put a hit out on me.”

Mac quickly grabbed his phone and shot off a text, trying very, very hard not to laugh. “Dude, you’re scared of _Dan_?”

Dennis spluttered. “ _No_ , I just – I respect him, is all.”

“You have not respected a single person in your entire life!” At this point, Mac couldn’t control himself anymore, and he practically doubled over giggling. “I can’t believe you’re actually scared of him! Dan, _my_ Dan.”

Dennis was, at this point, shuffling his feet awkwardly and clearly trying to look cool and disinterested.

“He’s like a teddy bear! A tall, muscly teddy bear…” Mac trailed off, his mind wandering into far more interesting places than his bedroom.

“I’m not scared of him!” Dennis snapped, before quickly reeling himself back in. He turned back to the door. “I’m gonna go make you some coffee. Want anything else?”

“Actually, can I have tea?” Mac was pretty sure there’d been some left in the kitchen the last time he was there. He just hoped Dennis hadn’t thrown it out.

Dennis raised an eyebrow, but he gave a tight nod and headed out towards the kitchen, leaving Mac alone again.

 

*

 

_[Txt to: Sweet Dee] call him._

_[Txt] think it’s time to call a truce._

_[Reply] busy w/ charlie rn. You do it._

_[Txt] it needs to be you_

_[Reply] whatever._

*

 

Mac had got himself back up on the bed and was scrolling through his phone when he heard Dennis approach the bedroom door again. He heard Dennis make a move to open the door, only to stop at the sound of his phone ringing. Mac smiled as he heard Dennis start pacing the apartment and talking.

Less than a minute later, Dennis walked back into the bedroom. He still looked too pale, and the dark circles under his eyes as well as the fading bruise still stood out too boldly. But he was smiling, and Mac couldn’t help but smile back.

Dennis handed him his tea and then hopped onto his side of the bed, sitting cross-legged and facing Mac.

“Everything alright?”

Dennis’ smile broke into a grin. “Fantastic. Sweet Dee just called, said she ‘ _might_ consider having a rational conversation with me at some point in the near future.’ Isn’t that great?”

Mac made a mental note to buy her some flowers. “Yeah, Dennis. That’s really good.”

“You being sarcastic?” Dennis frowned, tilting his head slightly as he asked.

“Nah, dude.” Mac shook his head. “I’m just surprised she called – she was _really_ mad at you.”

“So were you.”

Mac wished he could hate him. He wished he could wipe that stupid look off his face, the one he gives Mac when he’s angling for forgiveness, but it’s soft and vulnerable and how could Mac ever have believed he didn’t have feelings?

Everything would be so much easier if Mac could hate him.

He sighed and met Dennis’ eyes. “Oh, I’m still mad.” He quietly watched Dennis flinch. “I’m mad. But I came home.”

Dennis just stared blankly ahead. “You came home, and my presence is an unfortunate side-effect of that.”

Mac shrugged, and replied frankly with “yes, it is.”

The room was silent. Dennis looked to the side, blinking a few times. “What will it take for you to forgive me?”

“An apology.”

Dennis rolled his head back to face Mac, raising an eyebrow. “That’s not gonna happen.”

It took all of Mac’s willpower not to reply.

The thing about spending over half your life in love with your best friend was that you started knowing what to expect from them. Mac knew exactly how to rile Dennis up, and exactly how to calm him down. He could tell the difference between fake or real emotions, and he could usually understand the process Dennis did things in.

 Maybe Dennis was sorry, maybe he wasn’t. All Mac knew for sure was that Dennis was a stubborn asshole, and if he had decided not to apologise, then he was not going to apologise. Which meant Mac had to be the one to grin and bear it, and pretend like things were fine between them.

Mac wasn’t sure he’d be able to pretend, this time.

He glared straight ahead, because there was no way he’d be able to look at Dennis. He felt Dennis’ gaze on him, completely unwavering, but still he didn’t turn to look.

The silence stretched on and on, until Dennis finally looked away and said “I should get you out of the house.”

Mac blinked. “Huh?”

“Y’know.” Dennis gestured vaguely. “Fresh air, change of scenery. Could be nice. You in?”

“No.”

 Dennis got up off the bed anyway, pulling Mac up with him. “Let me rephrase. Right now, you are under my care. You need to get outside. _I_ need to go jogging, but I can’t leave you here alone. Now, there’s a pretty simple solution to this, wouldn’t you agree?”

Mac _really_ wished he could hate him.

 

*

 

As a general rule, Mac did not jog. His workouts consisted of lifting weights at the gym and practicing his sweet karate moves. _Real_ exercise, not girly slimming-down crap like jogging and yoga and spinning (whatever that was), that Dennis seemed to love so much.

He was sweating, his heart was pounding, and all he could focus on was the sound of his feet hitting the pavement. A few paces ahead of him, Dennis seemed to be under no strain at all, jogging along with ease.

“Den,” Mac panted, trying to grab Dennis’ shoulder to keep him back. “Slow down, dude. You’re killing me.”

Dennis stopped and turned back to look at him, raising an eyebrow. “This is just a slow jog round the block, I don’t think I’m physically capable of going any slower than this.”

Mac was quiet for a moment, stopped still to try and get his breathing back to normal. “Please, man. I’m getting dizzy.”

Dennis was back at his side in an instant, one hand gripping his shoulder and the other under his elbow, steadying him. “It’s okay, bab- Mac,” he muttered, frowning and carefully brushing the hair out of Mac’s face. “You did good.”

Mac leant into the touch and allowed himself to be slowly guided back in the direction of their apartment. “My head feels funny.”

“That’s ‘cause there’s more blood going through it,” Dennis explained calmly. “It’s affecting you more because you’re unfit.” Mac opened his mouth to argue with that, but Dennis just shot him a glare. “But it’s fine, this is good for you. We keep it up and it should help with the whole depression thing.”

Mac pulled away from him, ready to argue. It was one thing for his therapist to make those bullshit claims about him, but _Dennis_? “What the fuck, dude. I don’t –“

“ – I have a psych degree from an Ivy League college,” Dennis cut in, voice still annoyingly calm. He looked Mac in the eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe you’re depressed, maybe you’re not. But I have spent the past five months having psychiatrists drill these ‘wellness practices’ into me, and they _work_. Okay? So shut the fuck up and let me –“ He looked down and sighed. “I’m just trying to help.”

Ignoring Dennis, Mac walked ahead for the last couple of metres into their apartment building.

 

*

 

When Mac got out the shower, Dennis was pottering about in the kitchen. Mac walked over to him, considered offering to help, and then decided to just sit down and watch. With his cooking skills, it was probably for the best.

Dennis turned when he heard Mac scrape a chair up at the table. “Hey, man.” He smiled. “You feeling better?”

Mac squinted at him and grumbled in response.

“Yeah, yeah. You’ll thank me one day.”

Mac sat back and watched him cook for a while, watched how focused he was on the task at hand.

“Den.” He waited for Dennis to turn back to face him. “Stop trying to take care of me.”

“I’m your best friend, it’s my job, I have to –“

“ – I don’t think you’re my best friend anymore,” said Mac, and _goddamn_ it felt good to say. “And it was never your job. Even before, um.” He scratched at his head. “You know. Before you left.”

Dennis flinched, backed into the counter. Eyes wide, he stared at Mac with horror, like talking back was such a strange and terrible thing for Mac to do. Maybe it was. Maybe that was why it’d taken so long to finally do it.

“Mac…”

“No, no. Shut up.” This was too much power to have, Mac knew that. Mac wasn’t mean, and Mac definitely didn’t talk like this to Dennis. It felt good, to say what was on his mind. “You _don’t_ take care of me. That’s not how this – how our _thing_ worked. You used me, and manipulated me, you put me down and you led me on for god knows how long, but you _never_ took care of me. Even when I needed it. And then you LEFT!”

He stood up as he shouted, walking away from Dennis. “Jesus Christ, how have I fallen back into this,” asked Mac, not really wanting Dennis to answer. He buried his face in his hands. “Every single time I’ve seen you since you came back has ended in a fight, why do I keep –“

“Mac.”

Mac turned to look at Dennis once more. “No.”

“What do you want me to do, Mac?” Dennis looked tense, too tense, and his jaw was clenched and Mac needed to stop, he really needed to stop.

“I don’t know, I –“ He stopped. Nothing made sense anymore. He wanted Dennis to leave again, and to not come back this time. He wanted to go find Dan and tell him to stay and he wanted to forget the past few weeks ever happened. He wanted to go back in time and stop Dennis from coming back. He wanted to go back in time and stop Dennis from leaving.

He wanted to go back ten, twenty years and tell himself to leave before he got in too deep. Or maybe just to go tell himself that he’s okay, that there’s nothing about him that needs to be cured. He wanted to have never loved Dennis.

He wanted, somehow, for Dennis to have loved him back.

“I want an apology.”

Dennis said nothing for a very, very long time. Mac felt himself slowly sink down onto the couch, still not really looking at anything other than Dennis, waiting for his reaction.

“I can’t do that.”

Finally, Mac looked away. “Then I don’t think I can stay here.”

“Fine, fine.” Dennis walked over to Mac and crouched down in front of him, looking him straight in the eyes. “I’m… I’m sorry that you’re so upset.”

Mac crossed his arms and looked away. “No.”

“I am sorry that…” Dennis took a sharp breath in. “I’m sorry my coming back made things hard for you.” When Mac still didn’t look at him, he placed a light hand on his knee. “Fuck you, Mac,” he muttered at the floor, before looking back up at Mac. “I’m sorry I left the gang. I’m sorry I left you.”

Mac felt his heart break. He still didn’t look.

“What more could you possibly –“ Dennis stopped mid-sentence and sighed. “Fine. Whatever. I’m sorry for what I was like before, too. I wasn’t well, you _know_ that.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry if you ever saw my actions as cruel. I didn’t mean them to be. This stuff – being friends, being whatever we were. I didn’t know how it worked.”

Mac slowly unfolded his arms and looked at Dennis. “You’re not great at this apology crap, are you?” He gave a tiny smile, fighting against the tears threatening to fall.

“Well, this is my first time.” Dennis cocked his head to the side. “Go easy on me.”

“Thank you.” Looking down at Dennis’ hand on his knee, Mac mumbled “it still doesn’t feel like enough. I don’t know. I thought it would be.”

“Mac.” Dennis took Mac’s hand in his, trying to catch his eye again. “I am sorry. I… I did the worst thing imaginable to you.”

Mac sniffed. “You already apologised for leaving, jackass.”

“No, goddammit. Listen to me.” Dennis’ voice was slowly rising again, his grip on Mac’s hands tightening. “I’m trying to _apologise_. All those years, I – I knew I was – and I knew _you_ were – but you were so stuck on the god shit, so I never thought – but then you –“ He shook his head, let go of Mac’s hand.

“You came out. Twice. And I still couldn’t – being raised by Frank and my mother really messes you up, you know that?” Christ, there were actual _tears_ in Dennis’ eyes. It had been a long time since Mac had seen that.

Mac took a slow breath in, and finally spoke. “Dee is, um. Also. She’s – girls. Y’know.”

Dennis let out a silent sob. “Fuck, even my _sister_ did it before me. That bitch.” He put his head on Mac’s knees, and Mac was going to _explode_ , it was too much. Luckily, he looked up again quickly, wiping his eyes. “Anyway, I’m not done apologising. Right. So I knew I – and I knew _you_ , but it never. _We_ never – well, properly anyway. But it was never the right time, and then suddenly it _was_ , and I didn’t know what to do, so I left. So there, asshole. I’m sorry. For never telling you.” He stood up and walked back to the cooking. “Are you happy now?”

The world was ending. Mac’s chest felt tight, and his head was spinning, and he couldn’t move. All he could do was ask, voice low “for never telling me what?”

Dennis turned his head to look at him, his eyes ringed red from the crying the only thing keeping his expression from looking murderous. He shook his head. “Don’t make me say it.”

Mac was shaking, but he didn’t care. He stood up. “Please.”

“What difference does it make?”

He just stared at Dennis.

“Mac McDonald,” Dennis said softly, once again walking over to where Mac was. “I have been in love with you since we were teenagers. No, fuck that, for my whole life. Longer.” He stopped just before Mac. “I’m sorry I never told you, and I’m sorry it’s too late for me to tell you now.”

Mac felt his knees buckle. He felt himself fall back onto the couch. His ears were ringing, and he felt tears streaming down his face. All he could see was Dennis, all he could _think_ was Dennis. So he did the only thing he could do, and choked out a laugh. “Jesus Christ,” he whispered, looking down at the floor.

Finally, he knew what it felt like to hate Dennis Reynolds.

It felt an awful lot like loving him.

“I have a boyfriend…” said Mac, serving more as a reminder to himself than anyone else. Because _fuck._ He’d gone his whole life with not one person loving him and now he had _two_. And his chest felt like it was being ripped in two, because it was so goddamned unfair, because he’d only known Dan for six months and he’d known Dennis for a quarter century, and he _knew_. He knew what he had to do, and he hated himself for it.

Dan loved him, Dan would turn down the promotion for him. And Mac would be put with the burden of ruining yet another person’s life. But Dan never seemed to even consider the third option, because he’d never asked Mac to come with. Maybe he didn’t know there _was_ a third option.

Maybe he knew Mac didn’t want a third option.

Mac hated himself. He really, truly hated himself.

But he knew what he had to do.

“I have to go.”

He didn’t look at Dennis, he just got up and walked straight to the door.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ??? I have no idea what to write here I literally just made myself cry jfc???  
>  You know the drill, leave comments, kudos, and come talk to me on tumblr @sparklymac!


	18. Chapter 18

When Dennis left, Dee had, if anything, been relieved. She had thought maybe he’d fuck off for a few days, or a couple of weeks at most, and that she’d finally get some time to relax free from her brother.

But then a couple of weeks passed and Dennis wasn’t home, and somehow during the wait her whole world turned upside down.

She had a heart attack, and he didn’t come home. The bar, their entire lives, went up in flames, and he didn’t come home. He didn’t come home when she started falling apart, or when Charlie had to go through all the shit with the waitress. And Mac, god. She’d looked on his phone – endless rows of unanswered calls, pages of ignored texts. If he wouldn’t even come home for _Mac,_ there was no hope for the rest of them. So she resigned herself to the fact that he was gone for good, and she got on with her life.

Of course, asshole that he was, Dennis just _had_ to come back when things were finally starting to go right in the gang’s lives. Dee hated him. God, she hated him so much. She wished he would just go back to North fucking Dakota and never speak to any of them again.

Plenty of people went through their day-to-day lives without speaking to their siblings. Most people, from what she gathered, only saw them when they went home for the holidays. _If_ they went home for the holidays, because apparently that was optional too.

She could’ve been happy. She could’ve gone to work and hung out with her friends and hell, maybe she could even have met a girl.

It wasn’t that Dee had _been_ happy, in fact she was probably just as miserable as Mac or Charlie. It was more that she could feel things start to change for the better, feel her world start to make a bit more sense. But Dennis’ return put a stop to any of that.

She’d barely even spoken to her brother since he’d got back, firing back with anger whenever someone mentioned him and telling herself that she was just waiting for Mac to make the peace. And she had hoped that would take months, maybe even longer, she had hoped Mac wouldn’t be able to forgive him this time, because then she wouldn’t have to either. But Mac had always been pretty weak when it came to Dennis.

So, barely a month after Dennis coming back, she got a text from Mac telling her to call him and it wasn’t _fair_. She needed more time to figure things out which she was never going to get because Mac had asked, and she’d do anything for him, she really would. She just wished he hadn’t asked her to do _this_.

_Knock knock knock._

Dee got up off the sofa and dragged herself to the door, barely looking as she opened it up, expecting it to just be Charlie coming back for whatever he’d forgotten. She shut the door immediately, however, when she saw who was on the other side.

“Let me in!” Dennis’ whiny voice came through the door, making Dee want to throw something.

“No, asshole. I don’t want you here, do you not get that?”

She heard Dennis bang his head against the door. “Sweet Dee, please. I need you.”

“Boo freakin’ hoo,” she replied, but opened the door anyway. Glaring, she gestured for him to come in.

He stepped inside but didn’t walk through into the apartment, instead just waiting for Dee to walk in ahead of him. When they were both inside, stood facing each other, Dee crossed her arms. “So?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “What do you want?”

Dennis just looked at her, red-rimmed eyes wide, and shrugged. “I think I fucked up.”

 

*

 

Dennis felt just so completely drained. He sat down on Dee’s couch, leaning back and trying not to think about the fact that she was still just stood in the middle of the room, arms crossed and glaring at him. Maybe she had the right idea. Maybe he was being an idiot trying to salvage these lost relationships.

“I –“ he paused, trying to figure out what to actually _say_. “Mac came home.”

Dee looked at him like he was the most boring person on the planet. Which, okay. So she probably already knew that. Mac seemed to text her a _lot_.

“He’s really messed up, you know that?” The entire drive to Dee’s, all Dennis could think about was that had Mac been his normal stubborn self, there was no way he’d be speaking to Dennis. And Dennis was feeling way too self-aware, so he kept fixating on the question of _am I taking advantage of him_?

God, trying to be a good person was exhausting.

“Yeah, I know.” Dee’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “It’s your fault, you do know that, right?”

“Right.” He looked up at Dee, watched her face twitch in an attempt to maintain her glare. Sobriety was clearly doing well by her, he thought, because she was looking better than she ever had before he left. “Sis, please. I need you. I – I _really_ fucked up. And I’m not sure I’ll be able to recover from it this time.”

“You keep saying that, but you’ve not told me what you did.” Finally, she sat down. “But I swear to god, if you’ve hurt Mac – “

“– no!” he cut in, because he would _never_ , how could she even think – “I just. Um. I was trying to avoid another fight, because that’s all we seem to do, y’know?” Dee nodded. “Well, somehow in all the – well. I told him some. Things.”

“Things?” Dee raised an eyebrow and stood up again. “I don’t know why you’re being so cryptid, dick, but I need coffee. You want?”

Dennis just nodded, watching quietly as she went through into the kitchen. He took deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart, trying to stop his hands from shaking. He had just about managed to do so when Dee came back through, handing him a cup of coffee which he gladly accepted.

As he took it, he drew in one last calming breath, before speaking quickly. “SoI’mgayandinlovewithMacandIkindatoldhimandhedidn’tsayanythingandnowI’mfreakingout.”

Dee just stared at him. “Huh,” she said, as if he’d just told her that it was raining outside.

“That’s _it_?” He ran a hand through his hair. “I just told you my biggest fucking secret, and that’s _it_?”

Dee shrugged, and Dennis felt irritation build up inside him. But the good kind, the kind that felt friendly and comfortable. Like old days. “I mean, what do you want me to say? I obviously knew about the Mac thing, everybody did.” She sipped her coffee. “Didn’t know about the gay thing, but I guess it makes sense.”

Dennis spluttered. “H – how could you have _possibly_ known about the Mac thing? I was so –“  he had been _so careful_.

“You kept saying you hated him.” Dee shook her head. “And I dunno, man. I don’t think _anyone_ hates Mac.”

Unable to think of a comeback, Dennis stayed quiet. For a few moments, he and Dee just sat there in silence, each sipping at their coffees.

“I’m, ah.” Dee looked at him, her expression softening. “I don’t. Like guys.”

“Must be a twin thing, huh? That both of us –“ Dennis gave her a tiny smile. “Thanks for telling me. Even though Mac already did.”

“God, I hate that asshole,” Dee said, smirking.

Dennis gave a huff of laughter. “Yeah.” He grinned, shaking his head. “Yeah, me too.”

 

*

 

When Dennis’ phone rang, he was almost disappointed that he had to stop his conversation with Dee. But when he picked up his phone and saw it was Mac, all he could do was give Dee an apologetic smile and stand up to go talk in the kitchen.

“Hey,” he greeted, half terrified that Mac had decided to hate him again, and that he was calling to tell him so.

“Tell me again.”

“Huh?”

Mac’s voice was shaking as he spoke, and Dennis’ heart broke a tiny bit more. “Tell me again. I need to know I’m not going crazy.”

“I’m not gonna just –“

“- please,” Mac cut in, and God, that voice. Dennis would go to the ends of the earth for Mac when he spoke like that, and Mac knew it. Jesus.

“Fine, I.” Dennis sighed and looked at Dee, before muttering under his breath “I love you, asshole.”

Mac made a happy little noise which really, should not be legal, and replied with "I'll see you soon."

Dennis looked back at Dee, who was smirking at him, clearly having just listened in on his conversation.

God, he was so fucked.

 

*

 

Mac knocked on the door of Dan’s apartment, forcing himself to stay put rather than follow his instincts screaming at him to run away.

But he stayed, and he barely suppressed a wince when he heard the click of the door opening. He stayed when the door swung open to show Dan standing there, dressed in his ‘lazy’ clothes, hair rumpled, looking confused. “Mac? I thought…”

Mac took a slow breath and clenched his teeth, looking at the floor. “Can I come in? I think.” He sighed. “I think it’s time for us to talk.”

Dan took a step back and Mac walked in, slowly taking in the room he’d spent so much time in. He quietly perched on the couch, patting the spot across from him for Dan to sit.

Mac had never done this before. He’d never _needed_ to do it before, normally he’d either ignore the girls he’d slept with or they’d realise what an asshole he was and dump him himself. He had no idea where to even start.

He watched as Dan sat down, twining their hands together. For a few moments, he just sat there looking into his eyes. Finally, he breathed in. “I love you.”

Dan gave him a sad smile. “You think I should go to London.”

Nodding slowly, Mac squeezed his eyes shut. “I think you’ll regret it if you don’t. And I think if I ask you to stay you’ll end up resenting me for it.”

Mac felt Dan’s hand squeeze his own. “That’s not the only reason. Is it?”

All Mac could do was lean forward and kiss him, tears clinging to his cheeks. It wasn’t fair, none of this was fair. When he pulled back, he whispered “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” Dan kissed him again and shook his head. “You’re so…” He smiled softly, eyes shining with tears. “You’re really something, y’know? I wish we could’ve…”

“Yeah.” Mac forced out a laugh. “Me too. It just –“

“ – wasn’t the right time. I know.” Dan reached up a hand to wipe Mac’s cheek. “This isn’t your fault, okay?”

Mac sniffed. “Well then whose is it?”

Dan raised his eyebrows. “I’m not sure you’d like my answer.”

“Ah.” Mac gave Dan a watery smile. “Him.”

“Right.” Dan looked to the side. “He’s an asshole.”

“Yeah, I know.” Mac nudged Dan gently. “He said the same thing about you.”

“Of _course_ he did.” Dan looked back at Mac, observing him silently for a few moments. Finally, he said quietly “I guess this is it, then.”

“Yeah,” Mac replied, just as quietly. “I guess it is.”

“Well then.” Dan gave a tiny smile and jokingly held out a hand for Mac to shake. “It was a pleasure to have loved you, Mr. McDonald.”

Mac ignored his hand and grabbed his face, pulling him in for a fierce kiss. “Jesus, I’m gonna miss you.”

 

 

*

 

It was an hour later when Mac got back to his apartment, and it was starting to get dark. He quietly opened the door, watched as Dennis stood up from the couch and turned to see him. Mac felt frozen in one spot, all he could do was stare.

All Dennis did was stare back.

“Den…” Mac took a deep breath. “I, uh.” He dropped his jacket to the ground, unable to think of anything at all. He shook his head. “I love you.”

And just like that, he was striding over to Dennis, who was walking towards him too, and then he had Dennis’ face in his hands and their lips were crashing together and he felt his knees try to buckle and his heart try to burst out of his chest, and it was just. It was everything.

Finally, after a million years, he pulled away from the kiss, resting their foreheads together instead. He looked into Dennis’ eyes and grinned, feeling giddy. “I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dennis grinned back, and darted in for another quick kiss. “I love you too.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my GOD this was,, a lot,,,
> 
> Not the end. Yet. (I don't actually know how I'm gonna end this thing,, oops?
> 
> As always, please leave comments/kudos if you liked! And, as always, if you wanna come talk to me on my tumblr it's @sparklymac!


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